The last few months for me have been awful and I need to get a grip and move forward.
I was already struggling with my identity since becoming a mother before a whole host of other issues were thrown into the mix. I had a high flying career very active in the community with lots of friends prechildren. I've taken a step back to support my husband in developing his career but it has meant I'm often alone for days at a time and never get a break and thus losing my interests.
Whilst I was struggling to re-evaluate who I was I got hit by numerous unfortunate events over the past 2 months. Immediate family members have been affected by sepsis, cancer diagnosis and covid19 which I thought was go to kill those affected. Luckily all have now recovered from their different health issues but it was very stressful for me as I was the immediate carer for each of them. Then my favourite pet unexpectedly died and I felt totally responsible. I lost my income as I was due to change jobs in April. My ex employer won't furlough me and I can't start my new role until lockdown ends. Then just when I didn't think it could get any worse I caught my husband having an emotional affair (I do believe him when he says 'just friends'). Now I'm just in bits.
I need to move forward and I've been trying to do some self healing and CBT but struggling. I'm having full on panic attacks and such negative thoughts. 6months ago I had such a happy little family. I'm particularly struggling with my husband's betrayal and how I can regain trust. He said absolutely all the right things last night so I believe he will stand by me and help me. But I can't bear my own mistrust of him and then all the other negative thoughts going on in my head. How can I move forward? I've always used exercise to make me feel good and get out a rut but this time I'm in too deep and I always have to take my very little children with me to exercise as I have no help. Urgh life sucks sometimes 