My MH wasn't great before this but no one even checks how I am

[Unsurprisinglysurprising]

To be fair, no one really knows I've been on ADs for the last 18 months but they do know that even before the current situation I was in a bad position with work and finances and that things have only got worse so they can surely imagine my mental health isn't great.

I'm a single mum trying to cope with the tantrums and other challenges involved in home schooling. It's hard. I never have a moment to myself and I feel invisible to my DC who I think would hardly notice if I were lying on the floor crying.

I have very little money coming in and that won't change in the short term, even once things start to get back to normal because of the nature of my work.

But no one really checks how I am. I might get a text that includes "How are you?" but it's not asked in a meaningful way. I don't know if it's because I'm the oldest, but I don't hear from my (childless) siblings unless I get in touch with them. I call one of my parents every day to check on them (siblings don't). I tried not calling for a few days to see if that would have an effect. They did call and spoke about themselves for 20 minutes non stop without asking about me.

I do have friends and I have burdened them a bit with my problems but I think out of sight is out of mind.

I don't even know why I'm posting. At the start of the year, I had big but realistic plans for my career and had planned to wean myself off ADs by the summer and now I am completely isolated from other adults. I'm not lonely, just invisible. It's setting me back and I feel numb more than anything.

That sounds really tough

Please don’t rush to assume others don’t care or that you are invisible to them. Lots of people are going through tough times at the moment. It may simply be that after navigating the challenges in their own lives they don’t have much energy left over to share.

I’m sorry your friends haven’t checked up on you op, but are you in the habit of checking on them? I have friends with mental health issues, we normally keep in touch via fb. All through the lockdown they’ve constantly been posting quotes and memes about how hard they’re finding it, how they wish people would message and support them more because they’re ‘not ok’. So I made a point of messaging them every single day to check they’re alright. Then about 6 weeks ago I got a month long fb ban. I made the decision to not use messenger in the meantime, and in the entire month no one even messaged to ask where I was, let alone was I ok. It’s now been 6 weeks and still no messages so I haven’t bothered messaging back and ‘offering support’. They’re still posting the same stuff wanting people to give them attention, it’s a two way street

I feel you. If this goes on for years as some are predicting I'm not sure ill survive it.

Sounds very tough OP, but when you're in a bad place it is easy to forget that other people only know what you tell them. Especially at the moment, when you cant meet face to face.

When people text 'how are you', that is them asking how you are. If you choose not to reply honestly, you're missing out on an opportunity to let them know how down you feel.

I had a bit of a row with my sister a while back, whenever I phoned and asked how she was she would always say 'fine, no news', so I would tell her mine. She accused me of talking too much about myself and dominating the conversation, but I pointed out that she never told me anything - I'm not psychic and I cant ask her about everything that might have happened in case it did.

Try calling your parents and just tell them how you feel - I'm sure if they knew, they would check on you a bit more.

Good luck!

Thanks for the responses.

I think some people forget what it's like to be single. I have no desire to be in a relationship but it does mean that, generally speaking, you have someone to share your thoughts with or the mental toll of dealing with DC.

I do think it's because my siblings are younger and that I am the big sister that they don't think I have problems so don't bother.

I will get in touch with some friends. I know they do care and are real friends. I'm just having a bad day.

Tough going op.

I have one sibling,older who has help at home with her adult dc and dm constantly running round to help her and appease her.
At the start of lockdown I would message her to check In and see how she was doing as she suffers with mental health.

I had a few days where I myself wasn't feeling the best and with two dc at home to school and a keyworker dh plus the financial worry was struggling abit ,not once did my sibling message for over a week to ask how I was doing even though I hadn't messaged them

Not saying this is happening in your situation just saying do t take it for granted that those that don't say they are feeling crap aren't necessarily having the best time either,they just don't always express it.

Still haven't heard from sibling apart from comments from dm about how siblings feeling.

When dm was fretting yet again to me about sibling the other day I did comment how I bet she must be glad she only worries about one of us and not both eh

How are you at self care? Do you think it's something you can work on to build your resilience and self-esteem?

It's good and normal and healthy to expect and need other people to build us up and care for us, but there's lots we can do for ourselves as well.

However you say you're having a bad day and that's ok too - sometimes we just want to sound off and be heard.

How are you doing today? @Unsurprisinglysurprising

I hear you, live alone, DB is rubbish on the phone. What I would say is don't push existing people further away, as I did this and ended up wallowing and got low.

Now I force myself to have short surface catchups (think of 3 positive things to talk about and 1 thing to about them) with more people, I am actually a struggling enormously on a number of fronts but got to point where talking about it a lot was making it feel bigger?

Long story short, I referred myself for CBT, been talking to my doc. There are free zoom workshops on things and free online counselling stuff if you look for it. Once I started doing few things felt better.