💐 for you OP. It’s an anxious time, my sleep has been terrible too, quite literal insomnia and it feels like we are just staring into a black hole ready to fall in sometimes.
School may be worth taking a chance with. It will give you a chance to clear your head a little each day - are you working? I understand your fears of taking the risk, and your consideration for school staff - it sounds like you would be a lower risk family with only one adult and two children (although I’m guessing your 7 year old won’t be returning in June based on their age). Do you work outside the home? If you’re at home, I think risk is lower for you and may be worth a try.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. I get it, and it’s horrible.
I’ve been trying to write something positive down from each day, and take a picture on my phone of the good thing. I don’t have children so it’s purely a solo photo album!
Take it easy on school work and don’t allow outside pressure of doing “brilliant homeschooling” to get to you. Do something really simple with your children each day, like a picnic, a walk, a treasure hunt (whoever collects the most daisies gets a treat, collecting loads of natural things for a collage) Stuff that brings a smile to their faces and join in. Order some balloons for a water fight when it gets hot. I say this because I find the silly stuff that makes people laugh can make you laugh. I put a little fairy door on my gate post a couple of weeks back and set up some little fairies on my tree and fence - sounds daft but the little children who passed by my gate started knocking on the little door and it made me smile.
I’m completely with you on lonely, and understand your pain of being the first to always contact. It’s painful. I would focus on my children if I was you, and on friends who make an effort with you. Start a plan to focus your mind : Friday night could be movie night, Wednesday could be picnic day, Monday night game night.
I hope things get better op, you’re not alone xx