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To feel like the world will move on and I’ll get left behind?

20 replies

rubionois · 14/05/2020 19:33

I have nothing. This virus has literally taken everything away from me. It cost me my job, my relationship fizzled out because of it, both parents been dead for years, rest of family on the other end of the country and all have their own lives and forget I exist, I have no friends. Can’t afford to rent this flat anymore, will probably have to move into a grotty bedsit. I suffered a miscarriage a few weeks ago completely alone which broke me as the pregnancy was what gave me a purpose when there was nothing else. Probably should have gone to hospital but had nobody to take me and felt like a fraud using a bus. It was as if I’d convinced myself that I don’t deserve medical treatment. I posted on FB I was feeling a bit down and got no responses or acknowledgement from family. I am so so depressed. I haven’t been out for a daily exercise even once because everybody is out with partners and families and it upsets me. Yet I’ve somehow come down with something today and am in bed wheezing with a sore throat, fuck knows how.

I’m dreading the lockdown being lifted because it feels like the world is going to move on and go back to normal without me and I’ll be forgotten. People will go back to work and school, have emotional and lovely reunifications with families, have celebrations, also of course mourn together about the horror of the past few months, but nothing will change for me. Maybe I’d be better off dead.

OP posts:
Sauron · 14/05/2020 19:36

I wish I could give you a big hug. You sound like you’ve had a really really tough time lately and that you’re not being kind to yourself. You’re not better off dead, you’re just in a really bad place. Things will change and get better.

IHateCoronavirus · 14/05/2020 19:36

Flowers i’m So sorry life is shitty right now.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/05/2020 19:38

Flowers Keep talking to us OP, please. I'm so sorry for your miscarriage,

Itsallpointless · 14/05/2020 19:40

Goodness OP, I'm so sorry you feel this way. The lockdown situation is certainly taking its toll on people's (mine included) mental well-being.

How long have you been feeling this way? Is there anyone at all you can communicate with? It does sound like you've hit a real low. Can you contact your GP? The Samaritans are there for you in situations like these. Please don't suffer in silence.

Keep posting here, you can communicate with people on hereThanks

Blackdog19 · 14/05/2020 19:40

I’m so sorry you’re going through such an awful time right now. Is there anyone you could talk to?

OhioOhioOhio · 14/05/2020 19:43

It is difficult for all of us but you sound as though you have had a lot to deal with. It will pass. I promise.

Mummadeeze · 14/05/2020 19:50

Maybe try to reach out to people you know in real life. Don’t hint at being down on Facebook. Phone up your family who you think have their own lives and tell them that you miss them and want to re-connect. Tell people you know that you are lonely. Look up old friends from the past and suggest a zoom call etc. I know it is hard to be pro-active when you are depressed but you also sound so lonely and I am sure there are people on this planet who wouldn’t like to hear that you are feeling like this. So sorry about your miscarriage though. Xx

Samtsirch · 14/05/2020 20:00

OP you probably need to contact your gp to discuss your physical symptoms and also your low feelings.
I agree you need to be more open and direct with people in your life about how you are doing.
How you feel now won’t last forever but it sounds like you do need some support to get through it; counselling, antidepressants, emotional support.
Good luck OP

crustycrab · 14/05/2020 20:44

Tell people, they care about you but probably just think you're doing fine.

Tell your GP. You're not a fraud.

If you need to move and have lost your job etc then plan a new future. Move somewhere else. Think about what you do want from life. It seems like an effort but this is an opportunity in its own shitty way. See it like that.

Good luck

Munskin · 14/05/2020 20:48

OP Sorry to hear about your miscarriage ❤️I would speak to your GP to try and help you . Start planning for what you want and what is achievable- it won’t happen overnight . But mostly look after your MH and first stop is an honest convo with your GP. But remember you are important x

Toilenstripes · 14/05/2020 20:52

I’m so sorry OP. I know it doesn’t mean much for a stranger to say ‘it will get better’ but I promise it will. There is a huge club of us who have felt as low as you feel. You’re not alone. 💐

Wellhiyahun · 14/05/2020 21:46

FlowersCake

Happycamper78 · 14/05/2020 21:51

So sorry to hear you sound so low. You have had so much to cope with and then Coronavirus comes along to make it all harder. Please do contact your GP. There are lots of great resources online that may be helpful such as Every Mind Matters but you might need some help from your GP as well. I agree with being direct with people in real life. A friend kept cancelling social events at the last minute. She finally opened up about her anxiety and how she often couldn't leave the house. I had thought that she wasn't interested in coming out with us. Now I can check she is ok if she cancels. So be direct and say I am struggling. I hope they step up and make contact with you.

RivkaMumsnet · 14/05/2020 23:23

Hello OP, we're so sorry to hear you are feeling this way - it sounds like things are particularly difficult at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We'll move this to Mental Health now, which we feel is a more appropriate topic.

Wishing you all the best OP and hope you can access the support you need. Flowers

monkeyonthetable · 15/05/2020 10:13

Hi @rubionois,

You have had a really traumatic time with the end of a relationship and a miscarraige, Anyone who feel low after that. To have it with no one around to support you and during lockdown is really tough. How you feel is normal and natural.

The fact that you posted here is a really good sign. It shows you are capable of asking for help. Keep asking for help. Even if you spend a few days on the phone or online to total strangers at charities, you are reaching out when you need support and people will give it.
There is a miscarriage organisation who might be very helpful:
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/how-we-help/helpline/

The hormone swings after miscarriage are horrendous. Try to recognise them for what they are, as they will pass. Chocolate helps. Seriously, it actually does - it has some chemical in it which is soothing during crisis.

Please allow yourself out for walks during lockdown. You can go to local parks. Not everyone has someone with them. Lots of people are out jogging alone or dog walking. It's easy just to spot the people who seem to be living the life we want but the world is full of all sorts. You will feel better for some gentle exercise, fresh air and sun on your skin.

Do you know all the basics of self-care during depression?
The tool kit is:
When you wake up, put on either gentle or upbeat music that you really love.
Have a shower or bath and wash your hair.
Put on the nicest clean clothes you can find.
Eat the healthiest breakfast you can manage.
Get out of the house for some air and gentle exercise.
Contact someone who cares about you. Posting on this thread counts 100%.
Do something you have never done before. Anything at all. Try a free online course or podcast. Listen to music you never normally listen to, walk down a street you've never been down before - anything.

Keep a diary - this is useful for all sorts of therapeutic reasons. You can write for 15 mins about everything that is upsetting you - get it out of your system. You can create space for a gratitude journal where you list three things every day to feel glad about (eg the sun is shining; some MNetters really care how I feel; I can see flowers/birds outside; I have a lovely cup of fresh coffee etc. You can also keep track of small actions you take to improve how you feel - make a list in the evening of what you have done to make life better. Eg. I did some yoga stretches, I posted on MN and got some support, I phoned the miscarriage helpline.
A diary is also a great place for planning the future. You can brainstorm how you'd like life to be, then break down your goals into tiny actions that are manageable.
Finally - a really good tool is to draw a big square - about 9 inches (21 cm) wide and divide it into 9 smaller squares - 3 rows of 3.
In each box write a key aspect of life: Health & Fitness; Home; Family & Friends; Community Service; Work & Income; Fun & Hobbies; Spirituality etc - you can put in whatever you want but you must include community service and health and fitness. The rest are up to you. Then make a small list of three things you could do in each area of life to improve its current state. One should be really easy - something you can do today right now; one more challenging but easily doable within a week. One can be a real challenge but doesn't have to be. Then do the really easy ones and next day add some more really easy ones. Meanwhile start doing one or two of the more challenging ones each week. The value of this is that you start to strengthen all areas of your life and gradually feel more in control. Some areas of life will start to perk up more quickly than others and you can use them to give you a boost while the rest is pear-shaped.

I'm not saying any of these are instant solutions, but they are ways to take care of yourself during a really gruelling time in your life. I am so sorry you are going through this. Come back to this thread for support when you need it. Flowers Brew

Itsallpointless · 15/05/2020 18:58

@monkeyonthetable what a lovely, uplifting and informative post. Lots for the OP to think about.

SmileThanks

chickadeee · 15/05/2020 19:05

@monkeyonthetable what a beautiful reply. Lots for the OP to try.
OP I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time, it sounds like you really need some professional help to try and help you move forward. I'm sure someone here will be able to point you in the right direction for support for depression and a miscarriage. You've had such a tough tough time I can't imagine how hard this has been.

Username164 · 15/05/2020 22:06

Op I just wanted to say you are worth it and you do deserve happiness and health as much as anyone. Please don't feel you can't ask for help.

As PP said we the people of mumsnet genuinely care, many of us have walked the path and know how much a few kind words from stranger can make a difference, even a tiny one. You have been through an immense amount, but if you can try and reach out and talk to someone. The professionals are there to listen and can help you make a plan for looking after your mental wellbeing through this Flowers

RosesandIris · 15/05/2020 22:12

monkey
That is such a great role.
OP sending you virtual hugs. What a tough time you’re having. Hang on in there. 💐

RosesandIris · 15/05/2020 22:12

Great post not role!

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