I have nothing. This virus has literally taken everything away from me. It cost me my job, my relationship fizzled out because of it, both parents been dead for years, rest of family on the other end of the country and all have their own lives and forget I exist, I have no friends. Can’t afford to rent this flat anymore, will probably have to move into a grotty bedsit. I suffered a miscarriage a few weeks ago completely alone which broke me as the pregnancy was what gave me a purpose when there was nothing else. Probably should have gone to hospital but had nobody to take me and felt like a fraud using a bus. It was as if I’d convinced myself that I don’t deserve medical treatment. I posted on FB I was feeling a bit down and got no responses or acknowledgement from family. I am so so depressed. I haven’t been out for a daily exercise even once because everybody is out with partners and families and it upsets me. Yet I’ve somehow come down with something today and am in bed wheezing with a sore throat, fuck knows how.
I’m dreading the lockdown being lifted because it feels like the world is going to move on and go back to normal without me and I’ll be forgotten. People will go back to work and school, have emotional and lovely reunifications with families, have celebrations, also of course mourn together about the horror of the past few months, but nothing will change for me. Maybe I’d be better off dead.