My partner and my mental health

[shambles0]

For 2 years now I have been off medication completely because my mental health has stabilised, no relapses. My partner however who only recently came to know of my history has started to make digs at me about it. We didn’t even know each other during the periods I was unwell, we met during the 2 years I have been well. It bothered me a lot when he initially started to talk about me in the stigmatised way so I did stand up to him about it but we just ended in big bust ups. I now just keep quiet but it bothers me a lot and I don’t know the right way to go about things?

You are going the right way about things, you are just living with a cunt. You cant argue with stupid. Why are you still with this judgemental arsehole? What do you really get out of this relationship? You could honestly do so much better.

Your partner should be the ultimate person who has your back and supports you. Not someone who makes you feel worse. What else do you have to keep quiet about to keep the peace? This is no way to live, you should leave.

I'm sorry that your partner has reacted as he has.
In the first instance, I would see if he is open to being enlightened to the real world of mental health. There are lots of good documentaries out there - Stephen frys secret life of the manic depressive is my favourite, I watched it first when I had only experienced low moods and still found it relatable even though the high moods bit didn't apply to me at the time.
If he isn't willing to become more compassionate towards your mental health I would be asking myself if this was a relationship I wanted to be in if my mental health took a turn again (I really hope it doesn't BTW)
Well done on 2years stability!

Sometimes I think that but also sometimes I think maybe before he found out he was the reason I’ve been stable? I definitely can’t argue with him because if I make a valid point he’ll just say I don’t want to talk about it and get pissed off and storm off out to who knows where for hours. He’ll then come back having thought of a shitty comeback and justify the whole situation which I’m supposed to just agree with or in his words I’m “fucked in the head”.

He used to support me a lot and maybe in his own way he still is, I don’t know. There’s a lot more I have to keep quiet about like the time he’s kicked me in my back really early on in my pregnancy and the times he’s suffocated me during my periods of morning sickness. If I leave, which I’m in two minds about, I’m just thinking of the quality of the unborn child’s life.

Thank you! That means a lot.
He’s part of the older generation, not old old but older so he doesn’t understand the concept of mental health fully and made judgements on it from things he’s apparently seen and heard firsthand. I don’t think he’s seen any documentaries as such so doesn’t really have an informed judgement. His entire family is more or less just as if not more judgemental than him so maybe it’s just paranoia but even they’ve been acting odd around me recently so I believe he might have told them. It’s just so awkward being around his family now because for example the other day his sister just stared at me when she came to drop off something at the doorstep for their Mum, (she’s in lockdown with me and my partner). I genuinely just answered the door and it seemed like I wasn’t even there, no acknowledgment and then the stare was as if she was boring into my soul. Before then, she was so nice.

Get rid of him before your mental health declines again, because it will. He's an abusive prick.

Kicking you whilst pregnant is a huge red flag imo.
What would the quality of your unborn child's life be if you stayed?
A relative of mine left her abusive husband when their child was 3. Every single day since has been better. Children need a happy stable home whether that is in a single parent household, two parent household or co-parenting. My relatives child is now co-parented the father is a much better dad than husband (after treating underlying issues) although this isn't always the case.

I know I should get rid of him but it’s easier said than done. In our culture divorced women are frowned upon even more so if they’ve got a child. Our culture also says we stay with our husband no matter what, even if he’s hit you or cheated on you, I’m just supposed to suck it up and get on with it, turn a blind eye and forget about it. Growing up in a modern society in a multi cultural London I personally don’t believe in that but my parents and family, my partner’s family and the rest of the community would just shame me and my unborn child. I don’t know what to do taking all of this into consideration too.

I did tell him before I became pregnant that the one reason I would leave him is if he laid a finger on any children we had if we had any. I know from personal experience how much trauma child abuse is and it stays with that child for the rest of their lives. I explained that to him specifically because he hit one of his children from his previous marriages which I believe, to the best of my knowledge, led to contact with his first three children come to an end through a court order.

Better to be shamed than dead. I know that sounds flippant but having been trapped in an abusive relationship with ME issues, I promise you that anything is better than being shackled to an abuser. Think of your child!

Previous marriages?

Jeez how many woman has this cockwomble been kicked the kerb by in the past?And NC with his kids via court order?

How many red flags?

I'm sorry @shambles0 I have to ask

A.Is this an arranged marriage?
B.Is he older than more by more than a couple of years?

I explained that to him specifically because he hit one of his children from his previous marriages which I believe, to the best of my knowledge, led to contact with his first three children come to an end through a court order.

What in the fuck are you doing with this man? You knew all this yet still had children with him? Unbelievable.

Those were red flags I completely agree but he reassured me before we got married that he’s changed and is now a better person, learnt from his mistakes too which, before I married him and lived with him properly I could see myself, he was a dotting partner, son, brother and uncle. There were qualities I loved about him which made me believe he would be a good husband and a good father. I’ve seen him around his little nieces and nephews and that presented no red flags, he was being the best uncle even like a father figure to some of his nieces and nephews who live with only their Mum. It wasn’t an arranged marriage although, upon reflection, it may have been rushed in that we jumped into it. I honestly do regret being with him at this moment in time which I know I have only me to blame for. We did have good times as any couple does it’s just recently things have gotten bad. If maybe I got to know him even better in what living with him would look like, how he would start to behave so cruelly I never would have gotten into a relationship with him firstly at all let alone married him and then about to have a child with him. He is quite a bit older than me but I stupidly thought love was blind.