Family estrangement - feeling suicidal

[confused233]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible

Almost a year ago, I was disowned by a family member for being wrongfully accused of being mean to her son. I wasn't even approached decently to be asked my side or to explain that everything was a complete misunderstanding. She just told me she never wanted to see me again and wished me dead.

Every single day since, I have suffered. I have up days and down days. Today is a down day. I feel like I somehow did something wrong, that this is all my fault. I get panic attacks thinking about future family events or visiting family incase they're there and drama ensues. I can't cope with it anymore. I wish I was tougher than this.

If anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice for me, it is extremely welcome. I'm feeling very vulnerable today

Yes OP my sister cut me off over a perceived slight against our mother. There was no reasoning with her. I had to just let her go and accept we'll never be close sisters. It is very painful. Don't be hard on yourself.

Do you ever worry about bumping into her? It honestly fills me with dread to be in that situation

It's been ten years in my case. I wasn't invited to her wedding which was very upsetting as she was my bridesmaid at mine. Occasionally I look at her Instagram account to see how she is. I feel sad but I just silently wish her well. I've never even met my nephew and niece. If someone won't listen to your side of things then there's not much you can do. I'm really sorry for you OP.

No she lives in Australia. I haven't seen her in years. I sent a present when she had her first child and it was sent back with a nasty note. I gave up after that. If you've don't nothing wrong then all you can do is hold your head up high if you bump into her.

Don't try to rationalize someone's behaviour if they are being irrational OP. I've tried to get my head around my sister and how things have turned out. She's very aggressive and flies off the handle.

Don't worry, there'll be days when you are feeling better. It's like a form of grief.

OP, I've just read the post title. If you are feeling suicidal would you please get help. Perhaps the Samaritans?

Call 116 123 for free - Samaritans

OP

DH (well, all of us with him) were frozen out of his family by his sister. I still have no idea why.

She didn't tell him their dad had died until six months after the event, and then wrote him a letter saying she didn't know why he and his dad were no longer in contact, and she "didn't want to pry." But it was because of her freezing him out. I don't think I can ever forgive her for that duplicity.

Lucky for us, we have my family who love us.

Look for the relationships in your life that can cherish, OP.

I don't have any specific advice about this situation because I haven't been there. But having been suicidal on several occasions I can tell you in all sincerity that you are currently in a bubble. That bubble is horrible. But you will move outside of it and in to a new bubble and one day this current situation will be a distant memory.

You'll move in to a different phase and that will seem like the be all and end all of life... just like this one does now.

Don't give up. It's cliched as fuck but this will pass... it really will

I'm sorry you're suffering, it's not your fault and it's tough I know. I've been through similar and have felt suicidal too.

I found it helped me to take control and put myself first. It's not easy to do that though or change existing family dynamics. If the person concerned or any other family members refuse to listen to your side of the story and it's been a year or more then you could limit interaction with them, go low contact to help preserve your own mental health. Speak to your GP, they are in my experience anyway, very good if you can tell them you're feeling this way. Help is out there for you. Once you get help for your mental health you will be able to process and respond and see clearly the best course of action to take. Please do not blame yourself for this situation.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your kind words. I know myself this will pass. I think this has all come to a head because I've heard that all of a sudden she's made more effort with other family members that stood up for me. Maybe she is feeling left out during lockdown. Everyone knows she's being false with them but they're being kind to save any arguments. Every other family member is very supportive. I just worry about seeing her and arguments happening all over again. It causes me so much stress.

Take care of yourself and reach out again if it gets too much x

Please don’t think of suicide. My father killed himself last year, he was mentally ill but there was a dreadful family argument between my sister and I. Your family may get over this, or maybe it won’t seem so final. Do ask for help. Take care x

I could have written your post Op. it's very hard. Almost exact situation. I too was suicidal. In the end I had to see the GP who prescribed anti depressants and counselling. It's been a very long road but I'm getting there. Still very painful but I have managed to find a certain peace with it all.