Your experience of PND

[Beth199]

What were your experiences of Postnatal Depression?

I'm suffering with this at the minute and it's just getting worse. My son was born three months ago, a month after he was born I was in a car crash - no serious injuries, I had whiplash and my car was written off - just as he turned 6 weeks old this whole lockdown situation started and a few days ago his dad broke up with me!
So I think, with all that happening in such a short space if time, it's made this PND come out bad and I just feel really really bad now.

I phoned my health visitor last week and she referred me for talking therapy, which I have my assessment appointment over the phone tomorrow. I'll also be phoning my GP tomorrow to talk about medication.

I remember going to my GP after my third child (no issues after 1 and 2) and all I could get out was, “I think I’m going mad” before I burst into tears. I remember thinking I would never get better. There would never be any joy and my children would be better off if I disappeared. I remember my GP telling me I would be ok. I would get better.

I went on medication and had counselling. I didn’t wake up one day and think “oh, I’m better”, but I remember about a month in laughing about something and then suddenly thinking, “I think I’m going to be ok”. I was on medication for 6 months. Gradually came off. I am absolutely fine now.

Look after yourself. PND is awful, let alone during a pandemic, but you will be ok.

I left my PND for far too long and ended up very very unwell. I was too scared to go to the doctors because my (now ex) husband told me that if I did they would take our son away, that I was a bad mother for feeling the way I did, attention seeking, selfish etc and that it was normal to be tired, drained and exhausted after birth.

My son was 10 months old when I finally sought help. I got to the point I felt my only way out was to either kill my self, my son or both of us.

I should add my ex husband was very abusive, was using cocaine, using all the money that was coming in for cocaine, so I was going without food etc to ensure our son could be fed.

i spent 3 days in a psychiatric crisis unit, 4 days after discharge my ex stabbed me in the thigh. i couldnt go hospital as they had discharged me with ex as a "protective factor" for our son. i finally left around 8 months later.

PND is a cruel illness. I'm sorry you are going through all this. I remember the utter despair and feelings of guilt. At the worst point I wanted to take my own life and did try.
You've done well to recognise that you need help, please tell your GP everything and take any help you can. Wishing you all the best OP and I hope things improve for you.

Thank you everyone.
I phoned my doctor who wants me to start taking Sertraline, and I've got a therapy appointment over the phone next week.

I just feel so lost and numb, I keep crying and I'm so so tired. I don't understand anything and it's just horrible. I don't want to get out of bed and I don't want to shower, I'm having to force myself to do all of this. It's just awful.

You will get through this, I won't lie and say that it will happen quickly but it will happen eventually.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I left my PND for too long and it did get to the point where I had a complete breakdown. I tried to take an overdose and ended up in hospital. In all honesty I didn't know what day it was or where I was or what was going on. This was over a year ago now and it seems so long ago the progress I've made since then. Well done to you for getting help so early on I wish I had done the same however I can tell you I have absolutely came out the other side.

Admitting to everyone that I needed help absolutely saved me. I did CBT therapy and it was fantastic for me. I still use some of the things I learnt in my every day life now. Sertrailine for about 8 months which definitely helped balance my mood initially. I finally started going to baby groups with my boy after the crippling depression had prevented me from doing so (I know not possible right now) then I started to meet other mums like me who were figuring it out as they went by. I accepted help from early help too who I am still in contact with and they have just been my absolute guardian angels really. Also very supportive and helpful HV. I consider myself very lucky for the help I received and thanks to it i am genuinely now feeling so much better in myself. I can easily recognise when I am starting to feel down and know what to do to pick myself up again and know where to go for extra help.

Its a long road but you've already made the first step way before I did so I know you have it in you to get through this! Keep reaching out and know you are not alone. Wishing you so much health and happiness OP

I'm struggling after having mine in October spoke to counsellor who has put me in touch was emdr therapist but I think I need a straight talking phycologist? Anyone got that far?