Should I leave my family?

[1likeCupb0ards]

Hi everyone.
I have MH issues, BPD etc. I am married and have 1 son aged 11 yrs.
I fell pregnant with my son by accident, wasn't sure whether to proceed, but thought it might be my only chance to have a baby.
I had a nervous breakdown when he was 3 yrs old. I got him into a local childminder, whose children went to the nursery/school. She wasn't just a random woman. He had a great 3.5 yrs there. Lots of kids, activities, made best friends, she was a lifesaver. When he left, I got him an XBOX and he started to play with boys from school etc, which is great. He has a good group of friends and an extended family through my husband. He has 3 cousins who are the same as siblings. I've always done my best for him, love him and put him first. I'm proud I have accomplished this.
He has been accepted into the secondary school his friends are going to, so it's perfect really.
I have severe anxiety. At the moment I am struggling with thoughts of cancer and death. At the end of 2018 I missed a couple of periods, had a couple of months where I had strange mucous at ovulation. My cycles getting slightly shorter, lighter.
Had a scan a couple of weeks ago, which showed nothing. I've started bleeding a lot, been given Cerazette to calm down bleeding. Sonographer, said no obvious cause for bleeding. 3 GPs have said they dont think I have cancer, it's just perimenopause. A GP has emailed a gynae to ask his opinion to put my mind at rest, no other reason. Convinced I've got womb cancer, missed it and will die.
My son triggers me terribly, not his fault. I just want to leave and go to my dads house to get away. My husband is working from home, so my son will be looked after. I just want some peace. My dads house is a 5 min drive.
I dont want my behaviour to impact my son.
Please advise.

Hi. I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. I’d say there is absolutely nothing wrong for wanting some space for yourself. It has to be done and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. But what you do need to sort out is your own mental health. You need a GP appointment to discuss these feelings you are having and go get some type of therapy or medication to help these feelings you are having. I know BPD makes you push away those closest to you etc which is all part of your illness and completely normal. But what you need to know is that you are not alone and you can overcome this. Yes you will always have BPD, but you can also have a normal, happy lifestyle... all you have to do is to reach out to your partner, dad or GP or all of them. You’re brave putting this on here, so you can do it. Good luck to you.

From what I have learned bpd is treatable and is not necessarily a lifelong Illness (it is rare to see in elderly patients) the prognosis is quite good. The therapy is bespoke and quite difficult to find but worthwhile. You might benefit from space in this situation - maybe you could approach the subject with your partner and explain how everyone could benefit?