First post, need to get this out

[Lanasmummy]

Hi everyone 👋
I just joined today so please be kind to me!
I have a soon to be 1 year old little girl who I love dearly but I feel like I didnt settle into motherhood like I thought I would! 😩
I'm not feeling very good in my mind at all lately. I feel stressed out all the time, i have no motivation. I feel like a bad mom all the time. I feel like my little girl doesnt love me (stupid I know), and that she much prefers her dad (she's all smiles as soon as hes around) and this just makes me question what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I get bored of playing with her too easily and get irritated with her all the time for being into everything she shouldn't be. I just feel like a total failure. I'm also so conscious of rubbing my negative mood off on her, like I think does she prefer her dad because moms moody all the time? I just feel like a total crap mom and my head is so consumed of negativity towards myself.

Help!!! X

I'm sure you are far from a crap Mum!
Have things got worse since the lock down? If her Daddy is at work all day, she may be all smiles for hom as it's the 'novelty'of seeing him.
Do you have any time for yourself? Any good friends you are still in touch with?
Can you get out for a walk everyday ? A bit of time outside may help your mood.
Your health visitor could offer support and ideas of where to seek help and how to help yourself.
Sorry I'm not much help but didn't want to read and run!

I felt tired just reading your post.
We all need to be doubling up on self-care during these tough conditions and everything you said would have been bad enough to handle if you wrote it before the pandemic.
Sending you something that makes you feel better now. Take whatever you need 💐

It’s relentless when they’re that age and as others say, the pandemic makes it so much harder. I’m sure you’re being hard on yourself. I’m pottering here as am feeling low myself and pretty useless, although not sure that will help you feel better! Do you get anytime to yourself? Fresh air and a little time makes a big difference for me.

Other things that help when I get in my head are journaling my thoughts, just writing as a stream of consciousness. It often doesn’t make sense, and makes me cringe to read back, but feels good just to get the spaghetti out of my head. Also find it helpful to remind myself that I wouldn’t say the vile things that I say to myself in my head to a friend. Doesn’t always make the thoughts go away but it sometimes takes away their power.

Sending Positive thoughts your way and hoping you find something that helps