Complex PTSD (tw)

[CheeseNBeany]

NC for this one as I don't want it linking to my past posts.

I think I have CPTSD. I just read about it on another post and looked it up and it was like Oh, that explains it.

I witnessed the after effect of DM's attempt to take her life (what I saw was not a trauma, it was more that I had to ask her to show me) when I was a child. One time I was in fear of my life and ran and called Police. She drank and drove at 70mph one time and I thought that might be it.

Recently I had a life threatening event/diagnosis which I am physically recovered from, then I was financially abused by someone. I am quite afraid the next thing is people close to me will die. Selfishly not for the effect on them, but the fear and pain of loss.

I also think people are going to shout at me a lot. I have an extreme reaction of perfectionism about things under stress-if only I can do everything perfectly it will be okay. This can cause a total deravelling of my life. I am sort of on the brink of one at the moment. I wrote a resignation letter apologising for my mental state!

I need to cut back my adhd medication as there is a finely balanced right dose between what helps and what increases the hyperactive state.

I asked my dr about ptsd after my accident and she was very dismissive and said you have to fear for your life. I don't but I do avoid going out and social situations and its making my life miserable as I put things off.

Not sure what options are.

What antidepressants help PTSD? I can't take sertraline as it killed my motivation.

What books are there?

Links to information and tips?

CBT for ptsd - any recommendations?

Advice how to approach with doctor?

I am only recently diagnosed with adhd so I am still trying to learn how to manage this.

I had emdr and it changed my life

Briefly took ADs to help with the panic but found beta blockers really useful during the therapy too.

Hi, cheesenbeany.

I am sorry to read about the difficulties you are having at the moment. I know exactly what you mean when you describe reading about cptsd, and thinking, "that's me!".

I think I am right in saying that cptsd is not an accepted diagnosis as yet, so to speak, so you probably won't get a doctor to accept it. However, I believe that it is a good framework for understanding your past traumas, and how they affect your life now. Have you heard of the books "The body keeps the score" and "CPTSD. From surviving to thriving?" Also, the website called Out of the storm. Good places to start, I think.

With regards to medication, I have probably tried most antidepressants over the years. These were to treat the anxiety and depression, but I don't believe that they helped a great deal.

Like a PP has already said, EMDR may have a place in treatment. I believe that reprocessing my earliest memories of abuse by my mother, which left me in terror of her, did help. When I did see a psychiatrist, however, he was shocked that I had been given this treatment. He believed it was inappropriate, so I don't know. CBT does help manage your thought but doesn't deal with the underlying causes, so isn't a full answer, in my opinion.

I am now at a stage where my probable cptsd doesn't rule my life. It did, for over fifty years. I never knew any different. I now take Fluoxetine and a very small dose of quetiapine. The later has helped me sleep well for the first time in my life. I believe it dampens my emotional reactivity a bit.

You may also need to think about your life as a whole. For me, complete no contact with my parents and sister has been necessary because I was undoubtedly retraumatised by interaction with them. Sadly, I was widowed about six months ago, and my mental health has improved enormously, which sounds ludicrous, even to me. I don't know, but my belief is that, despite loving my husband of thirty years very much, we triggered each other all the time. We were both from difficult families and both suffered anxiety and depression. He denied his suffering and I tried to face mine. We also had a lot of stress with our children which we dealt with differently and not as a team.

Sorry to have waffled on. I just hope that something in my post gives you some hope and something to work on. And hopefully others will come along with help and advice, because I think that the key to cptsd is to receive validation of your suffering, and support to start really caring for yourself.

Good luck and I would love to hear how things are going for you.

I have diagnosed CPTSD. It was with a private psychiatrist and it cost about £400 for the one-hour session, BUT they can write to your GP and speed you up the NHS waiting list to receive more specialist therapy (not just CBT, which is sort of 'entry-level' so to speak).

I wouldn't go to a regular doctor at all, CPTSD is a very new diagnosis and most of them won't even have heard of it.

CPTSD is my diagnosis, I take ads, atypical antipsychotic, undergoing DBT with the plan to go onto Trauma therapy

Antidepressants are trial and error (I'm currently on venlafaxine which is best of a bad bunch I tried).
Had CBT but this stopped when psychologist went off sick - however it did help. I am currently on a waiting list for emdr (pre lock down the waiting time was 18-24 months so not sure how long I'll be waiting now).
You need a mental health assessment which will then hopefully put you on the right care pathway, it is not easy to get the care and the waiting lists are long (in my area you get to the top of a waiting list and are put on another one).q

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate them.

It feels postive to have suddenly found something (a diagnosis) that links what I have been experiencing over time together and realise that there IS a separation between what I feel and experience and the events . I think I have been in a state of dissociation for years! This is what happens in lockdown, you have time to think and remember what you forgot.

I have always found long periods on my own to be quite healing. I remember when I had my first home I taught myself to cook healthy food. I suppose its hobbies and personal development isn't it. I have never really stuck with many of these. DM was always working and DF was often lethargic so I never really had role models of a balanced life. Many people don't though do they.

I had a realisation that I have idealised a lot of people in my life and it's not been terribly helpful. You (one) should love them for what they are. I'm not sure I seem to fluctuate quite a lot with blaming my parents. Home never felt safe and warm. DB bullied me quite a bit (I genuinely thought he hated me and that DM must not love me at points in ny childhood). There were good parts, lots of them.

DB developed psychosis later, which is a scary event, but what made it harder was...how does someone in early 20s (now 40)process that? It was, is, the loss of a DB, or the idea of him, as I say I idolise people. I idolised him a lot as he was my older DB- you know cool etc. when you are that age. It's the loss of what could have been I think that's hard. As it is his life is okay, somewhat restricted in travel, he has friends and gets up and walks places. And at the same time..he in bedsit accommodation, dealers, there have been threats to his life, he can't work, isn't very healthy. How can I reconcile these two? My parents are the same, they call me up and say spoke to DB, sent him money, and he's fine, told me about x etc. And (in my head) I'm like but how is this fine? I saved him from being evicted last year. On toxic people, I kind of decided to distance from him because he is a vortex of money (other peoples). But its sad because I still hold onto and remember how close we were before the age of 10.

I rememer a couple of christmases ago my divorced psrents were together for the first time in years with DB. We were kind of in separate rooms in the house doing things much like we might have been in my childhood and I felt this sense of peace and security like I'd never had for years. I really do like physical contact. Maybe that's what was missing a bit in my childihood. DM would sometimes, not often, rub my feet watching telly and I loved iy.

God sorry that was long.

I am open to trying anything really, it's just access or cost.

@Dippydog Thank you for sharing your experience. I bought The Body Keeps The Score when I came to the conclusion I had experienced ptsd after my accident (see what I mean about forgetting!) and I had come across TRE yoga and booked but missed due to my adhd then lockdown and new starters can only do in person classes.

I will have a look at those books. I am interested but not surprised to hear thats its a new / not widely understood diagnosis. I am sorry to hear of your abuse and I am encouraged to hear it doesn't rule your life now. That sounds tough being widowed and the mixture of emotions and thoughts.

So it seems to be

antidepressants
ask for mental health assessment
pay private psych for dx
access therapy (cbt/edmr)

That's really helpful as I can see that doc may not be best person and what to do instesd

What you said about spending long periods of time of being on your own I think is important.