I had to reply on reading this as I identify with it a lot.
I also have adhd (inattentive) and where I work we are directly affected by coronavirus but we aren't somewhere that gets or will get government or NHS help either. My work is all very changing and new and I started after the cut off date for being furloughed so am reliant on discretion to stay in work.
I read that being furlouged is actually stressful and many will be feeling worse than those in work.
It also said a feeling of helplessness and the worry about a job to come back to. Add adhd into the mix too and you have an even harder combo.
If you can, and this has helped me, try and think about your adhd and your anxiety as conditions, so almost separate to you, that need management, and that are making your experience of lockdown and furloughment worse than it has to feel.
Adhd means we are highly affected by other people and work to please them. Sometimes we're just trying to survive and the struggle is real especially if you are only finding out about adhd and being diagnosed as an adult. Thats a lifetime of adaptive strategies.
I am not loving lockdown but I am learning a bit about myself and its a chance to so some reading around work. I am working full time but the isolation is hard. I would say doing training is quite tough esp when you have kids.
I really relate to the anxiety and grip of pending disaster. Even though the worst outcome is only one of a number of possible outcomes. It also sounds like leaving tasks behind is hard for you, the brain doesn't like things to be undone and no one likes to be rushed. Obsessiveness (it sounds like you have dealt with this by switching off the work emails etc) about the situation (which you can't control) gets in the way of thinking there is value in doing coping strategies.
In the long run I don't think you can be happy in a situation that your heart just isn't in and where you don't feel appreciated. It goes against everything us people with adhd are strong at. I was in a job for a very long time and went down the route of medication, diclosure, strategies/support, and in the end had an epiphany that all the strategies in the world can be applied to affect, but won't change the fact I just don't like my situation! I left and that's caused it's own problems (nb I'd say think carefully about a job move to make sure its planned, structured, possibly get someone to help you-coach/therapist with the transition, and due to recession you might need to prepare to lose pay or be paid at a lower level for the same work or work at a lower level so worth thinking about your financial picture and wishes for your lifestyle and money priorities.
Lockdown strategy - pick 3-5 things you love that bring you joy and reward, a mix of things that involve learning/stimulate the brain/provide challenge/put you in a state of flow/are positively nurturing and do them, share them with friends and family either together or photos and updates etc. make it your aim to do some of them every week.
Then for back at work make a bullet point list of the 3-5 priorities (things you have to meet, don't do other peoples work and only take extra as a point of interest or learning or something you want to contribute). Block out time for check ins and when people can contact you.
I know that's where I get distracted, running circles doing things for other people or trying to respond to them.
At the moment, there is an info deficit at work as we are separated, lockdown affects empathy as we worry about our material position, no one knows yet whats going to happen and we have never been in this situation before
I'm just going to bullet point a few other options
-getting a private diagnosis - I used Psychiatry UK
-if cost puts you off, check whether your CCG can refer you to P-UK as they would pay and it will be a lot quicker
Medication helped me a lot, esp with emotional regulation.
The bit about being left out of meetings -what are the purpsoses of the meetings and why is it you need to be at them. Meetings are quite dull and often ineffective (be careful what you wish for). Is there a workaround so you can achieve your aims etc. Its almost the type of thing a coaching session would really help you with but may fall low down the list of priorities of survival atm
Everything is a mess at the moment and its not you. I think the main thing about going back is just thinking about how you are going to adapt to social distancing and what maybe your first three priorities will be and who you are going to delegate work to as everyones workloads are going to vary for a while.
Thats really shit theyve not had any contact with you. The advice I have read is that people should be kept updated.
My suggestions would be informal chats with a few key people before you go back, ask for positive highlights you can share with your team, see what org meetings there are, is there a way your department can attend remotely. Our furloughed staff are coming to meetings.
Re training either see it as doing something for you that you want to gain. Or a learn a specific skill that will help in current role.
I kind of get it as I work in an altruistic sector but the difference is all my colleagues do so I am not fighting.
Give yourself a day and a sleep to try and recuperate. Get exercise. Try and talk to some people about their thoughts and anxieties under furloughment and collect some information about how their companies are keeping in touch.
My doctor prescribed promethazine which is Nytol (not the herbal one) for my anxiety as sleep was an underlying problem. Its not a long term solution but this is a temporary situation (I think perhaps with adhd we forget this is tempoarary more than others as our sense of time is simply now and not now).
I am on the brink of going back for antidepressants but we'll see.
There are quite a lot of strategies out there for managing adhd in books, online etc. if its helpful to you to read some of them.
You can also apply to Access to Work and you don't need the official diagnosis although you do need to be able to say you've talked to your employer about it. Access to Work provide an assessment and make recommendations for things to help - equipment, coaching, and a large part of it is free (coaching) (think all is free if your org is small
Sorry very rambly not had breakfast or medication.
