It’s happening again

[CleverQuacks]

I have a diagnosis of BPD. My mental health has been poor since I was 14, I am now 32. This has included several hospital stays. My mental health has been particularly bad during my pregnancies and postnatal with all three of my children. Following my last birth (5 years ago) my psychiatrist changed my medication, putting my on an anti psychotic medication alongside my anti depressants. It honestly changed my life and I have been very well for the past 5 years. I have felt normal for the first time in my life.

I am now pregnant with my fourth child. I was told that I can remain on my medication through the pregnancy so I was hopeful that I would stay well. I am now 20 weeks pregnant and I am starting to notice the cracks developing. I am struggling with intrusive thoughts, obsessing over little things and spending huge amounts of money online. These are all signs that I am becoming ill.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any input from mental health services any longer because I have been well for so long. My midwife is aware of my mental health history but I am not seeing her again for another 5 weeks. Do I contact someone? Or hope this is a little blip?

Hopeful bump

I am feeling really ill tonight. My thoughts are racing and I know I won’t be able to sleep. I feel manic and don’t know how to calm down. I have tried talking to my sister but she doesn’t really get it.

Definitely speak to someone. I understand, my partner has bpd and I've become used to seeing the signs. Also well done for spotting them yourself, it's easy to get caught up in a high, my past experience with partner was that when manic he had no insight at all. Call your GP and you should be able to get a phone appointment. You have a history, they should be able to refer you, I know MH services have been terribly cut back but you should be able to ask for an assessment. In the meantime, stick to your routine as best you can and try to get enough sleep. Keep taking your meds. Disturbed sleep patterns make mania worse. You've got this, you can nip it in the bud and there is alot of support out there. You will get through this. All the best.

Thank you for your reply

Hi OP, I don't know about bpd but I do know that my ocd gets worse during pregnancy and the perinatal period.

You could contact your midwife and ask to be put in touch with the mental health midwife, a lot of maternity teams have them now. They can come out to see you in your own home (though covid may have changed that). Mine was excellent, helpful, calm. compassionate.

I found that I spent too long trying to cope on my own and should have asked for help earlier because the help was there and the people were kind.

Thank you for your reply. I am having a better day today. Managed to speak to my midwife and she is going to see if the mental health midwife will see me. So thank you for that suggestion.

Well done on reaching out.
I'm on similar medication but for bipolar rather than bpd and the perinatal team have warned me the dose may want adjusting as my pregnancy progress as the extra blood volume created for the baby effective dilutes the medication in my blood.
I hope the mh midwifes help, if not don't be afraid to see your gp to ask for a medication review.

Good luck!