I don’t know where to turn to for help

[Gordonsgrin]

My son, 18 years old, is diagnosed with anxiety and depression, he has been self harming since Jan. he is getting really good support from the local mental health team, and the go. He is on meds and sees a mental health support worker/nurse at least once a week. He has been assessed and awaiting therapy (not cut) but can’t work out what.
He is open with me and his dad, as far as I can tell but as he is an adult I never know to what extent. He has given the go permission to speak with us as on some days he is too ill to engage with them.
What I don’t know is when to push him, for example, to get out of bed, or when to leave alone. He is open about the self harm and we give him all the first aid supplies he could need. My husband and I have no support and don’t know how to get any. I am sure I could work out where to go but actually I am too scared. This is my first time looking the gap in our knowledge/preparedness in the face and I am not sure I am strong enough.
And by the way, the pandemic crisis is not helping....!
Someone tell me it is going to be ok, please.

Hi,
I’m sorry to hear this.
I’m not sure I’ll be the best to advise you, but I’ll try.
I’ll start by saying that I’ve self-harmed for many years from around the same age as your son.
Has he said why he does it?
I do it when I’m extremely angry and feel powerless.
Is this because he’s feeling powerless and lost with the pandemic? I see you say he started in January- so perhaps it isn’t.
Was there a trigger?
Can either your husband or you get online counselling? My DH is a counsellor and does it online now (via Zoom) during the pandemic.
Counselling can be pricey but it might get you through this scary time.
If it helps at all, I always feel better after self-harming but it’s a very unhealthy way to cope. I also have never injured myself to the point of needing stitches of intervention.
Please ask if there’s anything I can do to help

Many thanks for taking the time to reply. The harming predates the pandemic. He says because it is a physical representation of the hurt inside. It is so sad. He was seeing a counsellor but it wasn’t the right person for him, we will revisit after lockdown I think.
I know that I am not meant to get cross with him but that is the extent of my knowledge.
Counselling for us would be good but we can’t afford it for us and him.

That’s such a shame.
You definitely need support.
I’ve never personally minded someone getting angry but the most important thing is talk, talk, talk. You don’t need to force him to do anything but he needs to know that you are there unconditionally.
Can you contact your own GP and request NHS counselling?
Also, counsellors when training charge considerably less and are usually just as good- I think some charge about £10 an hour. Perhaps worth looking into for you?

That’s sounds good. I know I can get telephone counselling through work I will try that.
Do you mind me asking what worked for you?
My son is so amazing but I think I have to own up to having been part of the problem, I am sure I smothered him, didn’t let him make enough mistakes or take enough risks. We are a close family unit the four of us, His dad, his sister him and me me but I can see how my controlling nature (due to my dysfunctual upbringing) has messed up my little family. I am not proud of myself. I had counselling myself years ago so didn’t really see the problems I was creating.