Be honest if you are not coping

[NdujaRossi]

I just really need to get this all out.

I am a middle aged or soon to be anyway mid-level professional on am ok wage and fuck me I am so far from coping but no one seems to know, or care, and short of drastic action I have no choice but to just be utterly miserable and broken right now. I won't bother going into the myriad of reasons why but I can't tell my boss, I don't have any friends at work yet, my real friends and family are sick of hearing the same thing from me, I feel utterly trapped. My career is now a complete mess as I stupidly left a very secure role just before this all happened. I am suffering with extreme anxiety. All the normal stuff has gone out the window, like mid term objectives. All I feel is that I hate myself for not being able to do my job, and I actually am being shit at it.

No one seems to care or be there for single working professionals who live alone and are at risk of / who have lost their job.

I’m not sure I can help but I hear you

The covid hysteria has taken over everything and I’m terrified of the future now the authorities know how easy it is to order people about.

Isn’t there an asteroid coming close soon? I hope it ends it all but what FUCKING BASTARDS government are that I couldn’t even see my family.

Perhaps it’s time to start worshipping Satan and hoping the covid hysterics get what they deserve.

I hope you feel better OP. I’m off to take some diazepam and hopefully get some sleep.

God work is the one thing that is really getting to me right now. I’m convinced I’m going to be fired at any moment and generally it’s just a shit show over there. I’m not sure if I can offer much advice apart from suggesting what I do which is to just try and get through the work part of the day and really focus on those little pleasures in the rest of your life. It’s not necessarily full blown mindfulness training but just trying to keep your mind shifting away from a bottomless hole of anxiety by finding moments of joy and pleasure.

But this will pass and you have the rest of your career ahead of you and you won’t have to feel trapped and will feel confident again. And maybe you’ll make this job work out? Is it definitely not the role for you or is your anxiety giving you imposter syndrome?

@LilacTree1 I feel the same. 😔

God thank you all for your replies. @LilacTree1 your reply made me laugh a bit. Not quite sure about worshipping Satan but I do very much wonder that the government is not being held to account for care homes, prisons, and the mental and economic damage. The only thing holding me together are sleeping tablets at the moment.

@Allthecandles Just knowing I am not alone is helpful thank you and thank you for your kind words. Its definitely isolation anxiety. I feel a little less low today so thats pretty much the best I can hope for. Something I bought online arrived so I am going to open that. Wish you a good evening .

Do you know what, I bet you're not shit at your job. You're just really self critical. And even if you're not performing to your best standard I will bet you you're good enough.

I'm not coping very well either. I've had anxiety for some time now and this long down has brought out some extreme anxiety in me.

Like you I feel quite shit about myself. I have a "professional" career but it's not what I really wanted to do and I feel like it's too late to start something new even if it wasn't for this situation.

I'm a mum to a teenager and I feel like I'm a pretty rubbish parent.

I get it. You're not alone x

Ive been made redundant recently. I'm a single parent so not so alone but I'm
In my 50's so anxious about not being able to find another job.
However I know I'm good at what I do but once the job market picks up there'll be so much younger competition.
I can't sleep for worrying about it

@Unusualusernames At my most stressed I am anxious perfectionist, only confidence from experience really helps, thank you for your lovely kind words.

I have lived alone and worked on my own for a long time now before lockdown and I do know that too much time to think/alone can make us reminisce and bring up all sorts of stuff from the past. I'm not sure its ever helpful because we are always reimagining ourselves anyway. What we think about a moment in our past always changes, which is logical really, as there are 360 degrees of looking at something and we can never see them all at the same time. I do know that trauma (and this is trauma) can make us 'wake up' as god its only when choices suddenly get taken away that we realise what is truly important- relationships, health, doing things we enjoy/give life meaning. I don't have any answers either, this might be a catalyst for you to do something different, or it might not. However its no reflection on your capabilities and there is nothing wrong with appreciating what you have. I'll bet you're doing an amazing job parenting your teen and they love you very much.

It's the Satanists who are running the show!!

@Mimishimi that must feel scary to have those thoughts x

Hello OP and other posters, am not doing well with this isolation malarkey, I live alone and can’t see loved ones, terrified about money worries, too much time in my head which isn’t a great place to be, finding it really hard to maintain some sort of equilibrium, feel like I’m wobbling on a tightrope

I am not doing well. Single parent, low income, going through divorce and having to sell my house at the end of the year. I don't know if I will have a job to go back to after furlough and I need to apply for a mortgage due to selling marital home. I'm shitting myself. Having a lot of dark days.

Hello all, just joining in solidarity with OP and PP - having a really tough time at work, was searching for a new job when all this started but now that few companies are hiring I feel totally trapped. Doing the jobs of 3 people and ballsing up all of the. Not even sure I'll have a job past June. Same as PP just spending way too much time in my own head

Some tips I've had in the fast few weeks that have helped with work and anxiety:

• virtual coffee break with a colleague
• daily catch ups with manager (even if just for 5 minutes, make clear all work mistakes, overworking etc)
• count back from 100 in 3s (takes your mind off any other thoughts)
• daily exercise (easier said than done I know! - 10 minute stretch in the morning is better than nothing)
• keep up all hygiene standards even though you're not seeing anyone, so shower, teeth, dressed in proper clothes, 3 meals a day - write yourself a check list if you need.

I know I'm late to this post, but well done for reaching out, that's the hardest thing at the moment and I've always an open ear to listen to a moan. We're all on this together.

Raising another hand here.

4.5 weeks of solo parenting (DH is NHS) a 2yo has got to me now. I feel really on edge, anxious and more worryingly so so angry. I keep having thoughts of punching walls, or slamming my head into things. I need a fucking break.