I'm a freak

[paranoid56]

I've lots of mental health problems, but my OCD makes me a freak. The obsessive thoughts are just wrong and I can't control them. I was seeing a psychologist to try and get to the bottom of it, but other things took over. I hate myself.

OD or any other MH problem doesn't make you a freak even though it feels like it sometimes. It just means you are struggling.

You are not a freak. As someone who also has OCD and PTSD, your intrusive thoughts have absolutely no reflection on who you are as a person.

They can be terrifying and completely disturbing, but they are not you. And trying to control them makes them a lot more prominent, a lot more frequent and distressing too.

When my OCD is flairing up and I feel like I’m spinning out of control I set a specific time to acknowledge the thoughts that are distressing me. Usually 5-5.30 at night, so they’re not ruining my whole day and not close enough to bedtime to make me unable to sleep. The rest of the time when they’re bothering me throughout the day I just remind myself that it’s not time to think about them. At night if you put on music like rain fall or thunderstorm sounds and focus on that instead of what’s in your head as you’re trying to sleep

The OCD at the moment has me imagining everyone having sex, I've had this before but I find it really disturbing,
I'm really mentally not well at the moment, struggling to keep myself safe.

Can you talk to your GP, I had a phone consultation about mental health a week ago.

I'm open to the mental health team, so I guess I tell them it's happening again. I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling with not having face to face contact.
I know who I need to talk to regarding this although she's not really involved in my care anymore, it really is mortifying because as I have a conversation with anyone my OCD is bringing up alsorts of images.

This is not your fault and you are not alone. Keep on seeking the help you desire someone will answer your call....in a very short time you can just look back at this as a moment you got through that made you stronger.

Well done for posting. You are not yourself but you will feel better. Can you make contact with your GP as well as the psychologist?

I've spoken to the mental health team, the person I spoke to was really understanding, even though she's not really involved in my care anymore,it was her I told last time this happened so it was slightly easier.
My head is such a mess at the moment, I'm having some really dark thoughts as well.
One of my friends has also upset me, I'm going shopping with my son today, it's the first time we've been since lockdown, my ex had been going for us. My friend kept telling me my son and I can't go together because he's 16 and they only let one adult in, but neither of us can manage on our own, so I phoned the shop and they said it was fine, but if my friend can't understand were going to be judged by people who don't know us. It's the old not all illness is visible.