Feeling so guilty for not 'falling in love ' straight away with my baby

[Km12345]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right area but I had a baby 8 months ago and he is my absolute world and I adore him . Hes such a happy little boy and brings so much joy to my life .

I cant help but feel so so guilty though for not instantly falling in love with him when he was born .
I did exactly have a 'hard labour ' but I was in slow labour for 3 days so hadn't slept and was absolutely exhausted by the time I gave birth . A lot of it was just a blur but I dont remember having this mad rush of love that people talk about when they have their baby. I just wanted to have a shower and sleep and I just think it sounds terrible that that is all I was thinking about. After giving birth I waited over an hour to be stitched up down below so my husband was watching him during their time (I was just on the bed basically a write of )

I think it took me a few weeks to realise that he was actually mine and realise I was actually a mother and I completely adore him now but I cant help but feel so guilty that I felt this way :(

I do suffer with anxiety although i am doing well at the moment

This is really normal! Some mothers have it, many don’t.

With my first DC I thought he was lovely, but that was about it. I was more exhausted and shell-shocked than anything.

The adoration took me a good six months. He’s 9 now and words can’t express how I feel about him.

I know lots of mothers who felt like this, it’s very normal

Not having that rush of love is very very normal for lots of mothers! Please don’t worry that you didn’t instantly bond with your baby - your body went through an absolute rollercoaster giving birth and it takes a while to recover from that and have your feelings catch up with that.

I had exactly the same as you - exhausting birth, could barely keep my eyes open once they put my son on my chest. I remember in the blur afterwards in theatre, My husband And I both looked Down at the baby and he asked me if I loved him yet, and my answer was ‘I don’t know’. I then asked my husband if he loved our son and he also replied with ‘I don’t know’. I never had that rush of love, or sense of awe etc, I just wanted someone to take him fairly quickly so I could finally get some sleep! Going from being just you two, to pregnant, to labour, to being parents is HUGE, you have to process those things sometimes and it takes time.

Don’t be hard on yourself for something perfectly natural. You love your son, he sounds like he has a lovely mum who is always going to do the best for him, those few moments after birth are just one teeny tiny part of the lifetime sorry you will have with him

(Typo in final line, should say ‘lifetime STORY’, not ‘sorry’).

It's really common to not had the hormonal rush and it's more a slow grow.

Don't feel guilty, nothing to feel guilty about

Please don’t feel guilty. I didn’t feel the rush of love with either of my boys but I love them with all my heart now.

I know it's easy to say, but please don't beat yourself up about this.
I was exactly the same with my first, I was so, so tired.
I remember my mum saying something to me about loving your kids more than your husband and my reply (very tearfully) was 'but I don't'
I felt guilty for so long, but now that she's bigger (4) I concentrate on the wonderful relationship we have now.

I always think I fell in love with my boys for who they are.

Absolutely normal - I found it hard to believe my baby actually existed for months. I had no connection to him at all. One day, when he was about 4 months, something switched and he's now the absolute light of my life. I still look back in those newborn days and think he was like a little alien.

A normal feeling for me too! I had a long labour with the first and just wanted to sleep after. I feel anxious about most things but I give myself a break for that!

Perfectly normal. I kept looking at my son thinking you're not my baby - I was convinced I was having a girl and he had black hair. I don't have black hair. Of course I knew he was mine and we bonded and I love him. But it was a growing love.

I to had a hard labour and when dd finally came out my initial emotion was relief it was over. As she was my first it also took a couple of weeks untill she felt like mine and it was real life, I've just spent two hours trying to get her to sleep and now I'm led here trying to stop myself kissing her perfect little cheek because I love her so much I can't even describe it! I think it's completely normal speaking to all of my mother friends! It's difficult to stop a feeling but remind yourself it's totally normal and hopefully you can move past it!

Goodness, I'm not even sure I loved mine properly at 8 months let alone immediately. It was a long, slow, delightful experience falling in love with her and now she is absolutely everything to me. Don't beat yourself up. It's very normal.

I thought mine was quiet nice when he was born. I didn't bond with him until he was 3 months old, although I was on a fake it till you make mission from day 1. Then I just went from "meh" to "he's the most wonderful thing in the whole world" - just sort of gradually. He's 11 years now and we're very close and he's still wonderful. Please don't worry - it happens to lots of us and you shouldn't feel guilty. ☕️🍫