Ok so for the past 4 years I have been wondering if I was sexually assaulted or not as this felt quite wrong. I was 18 at the time and with my then ex, it was late at night on my 18th and we were at the back of an old field, things got heated and he kept asking me if I would t*ss him off. I said no, not outside, and he kept on and on about it. He was under the influence of alcohol and kept forcing me to drink more too. He said to me if I don’t he will just go home, so eventually I have in as I liked him too much. He also shoved his hands down my pants and yeah don’t need to explain the rest. So long story short I felt like crap afterwards and really anxious, it keeps coming back into my head every now and then. Was this assault?
There was also another time quite recently when I was seeing somebody. He was quite larger than normal, so there was no foreplay etc, he took my to my bedroom and said are we gonna do it then? And spoke to me like it was some type of operation. “Take your top of please” he said which I thought was odd. He just shoved it in me and I flinched and said ouch as it hurt me, he carried on so I pushed him away, he said what do you want to do then? I said it hurts, then he carried on. Oh and he left more or less straight after and didn’t talk to me afterwards, which makes me think he felt guilty? I don’t know.
I’m just confused I don’t know if I’m thinking too much into this or these were accounts of assault. Either way I feel extremely degraded by it and find it difficult to be with partners even now because of those two scenarios.