Family/Partner can't stand me and my health anxiety

[CourtneyB123]

So, I'm in my 4th week of chronic health anxiety. It started off when I was actually really unwell, suspected covid. Bed bound for a week or so and been having body aches etc to this day. I have to say I'm a lot better but my anxiety has driven everyone round the bend. I was given sertraline, but because it gave me chronic upset stomach it made me anxious and I stopped taking them. The last few weeks my partner has begun to turn against me, saying I need to get a grip and he can't deal with me crying and having panic attacks so often its depressing him.

So, today my face went numb, I told him and he said call the doctor to which surprise they said my anxiety was giving me these physical synptoms. Fine with me but he has just turned around and said he can't stand me anymore.
I have a young son and don't enjoy feeling this way, constantly checking my temperature, body scanning and checking into every physical thing I feel, its ruining my life and I know deep down it's been making everyone around me miserable because I'm hard to be around. I dont know what to do, I am trying each day to focus on other things and try be in a better place.

So, not sure what responses I'm looking for, just wanted to vent somewhere that isnt immediate family. Thank you for reading

Have you googled anxiety support or tried any exercises or worksheets to do?
I know it’s really hard, I’ve suffered from terrible anxiety and panic attacks in the past so really feel for you........ BUT
You and only you can change this. Yes, help and guidance is much needed and appreciated but right now that may be differcult to access.
Therefore, you have to do what you can.
So reach out online, join support groups (there’s lots on FB), share more on here about your anxieties (well done for writing this post!), practise breathing mediations, listen to nice music, go out into nature when you can, distract yourself with anything that’s pleasurable.
Hope this passes soon and you manage to break free from it

Hey, thanks for replying. Yes well I'm under my local mental health team and have spoken to my GP about different things I can do, but it just seems when I'm actually feeling alright I get these pains and it's all I can think about and becomes a vicious circle. I dont have social media, but I feel really lonely and like I cant lean on anyone at the moment, I know its frustrating for those around me but they seem to think I enjoy being this way and I assure them I dont. I feel like a failure of a mum, I'm not present because I'm constantly thinking I'm going to die or when I get a pain it's all I can focus on its driving me insane. When I have felt good and get the odd pain here and there I've tried not to say anything to my partner but then ultimately it brings the mood down. I've spoken to samaritans etc I just dont know how to move on, I want to be a good person

Oh you are a good person, please don’t think that
Ok how about downloading some meditation apps? Or there’s some great ones on YouTube.
There’s people on social media I can recommend but obviously not if you don’t want to be on there.
I really think building a support network and blueprint of how to emotionally cope in these times would be really useful.
As the rational part of our brain stops working when we’re in fight or flight mode, so you can refer back to it.
I wrote mine out along the lines of:
If I feel anxious then I can do:
A walk
Cook something
Call mum, sister etc

And even though when I was going through the anxiety these were the last things I wanted to do, I knew from previous experience they helped.

Maybe add on there, post on mumsnet! :)

I feel for you. My partner is the same, i have been like this for many years and it nearly drove us apart.

There are other antidepressants out there maybe talk to your Dr again.

Another thing I just thought of is you might be better posting on the relationships board as there’s more traffic there but with a lot of supporting people

Thank you all for responding, it's a hard time for everyone. We were supposed to move out soon but now he said he doesnt want to until I'm back to myself, which ultimately puts more pressure on to get better. How did you manage your anxiety to help with your relationship? Thanks guys for replying, I really appreciate it x

I guess I posted on here because I was wondering how others managed their mental health through this time, as that's the issue I suppose in our relationship currently. If anyone has any tips I'm willing to take on board and give a go, thank you @LuluBellaBlue for your support it means so much x

I had severe health anxiety a few years ago after an illness that floored me. I honestly didn't believe I'd survive the next hour and it was months before I regained my balance and perspective.

Firstly I used the calm app, and made sure I didn't punish myself for the panic attacks. I reminded myself of all the times nothing bad had happened.

I also made myself incredibly busy, for me distraction worked well. It wasn't fixed quickly, but I'm ok now. It's happened once since this all started so I put the breathing apps back on my phone.

You will get through this.

Thank you @lunar1 very kind to reply. Thats amazing that you got through it! How are you feeling now? I've got a few apps on my phone I need to pay more attention to, the evenings seem to be the worst I hate the night time for some reason. I'm currently waiting for a Bipolar 2 diagnosis and obviously as it stands everything is on hold, so therefore I've been given anti depressants but I'm reluctant to take them incase they make me worse? Did it impact your family going through your anxiety? It really is awful for everyone right now!

My husband has been going through similar for the last 6 months and has needed a few changes in medication, started CBT etc. I have in the last 2 weeks finally started to see glimpses of the old him, you can get better.

I’ve been as supportive as I can be but do find it very wearing, we have a small DD too. For me I’ve done a lot of research to understand that he doesn’t want to be this way and we’ve tried to approach it as a team with the anxiety as the ‘enemy’.
I also asked him to try and do something for me everyday (make a cup of tea, wash up etc) as I was feeling very taken for granted where he was so consumed by the anxiety.
It’s a horrible illness, I hope you find something that helps you soon

I'm glad to heat your husband is turning a corner, but I also understand how tiring it can be on the other person/people around. How are you feeling now? I'm worried that I've just driven my family/partner into the ground. He also lost his grandad last week so with me having panic attacks daily I think he has just had enough of it, he doesnt need the stress. I just don't know where to turn to, or if this is something I need to do on my own as a single person as I know this will be a long term thing I'll need to try get better from. I dont want to drag everyone down with me x

I have up and down days but I also remind myself that it’s harder for him to fight these demons every day and that he is actively doing things to help himself. When he wasn’t doing anything to help himself it was a very low point and I nearly left.
I had some counselling myself to try and help, and I’ve set some boundaries that have definitely helped. I will talk with him and help him rationalise some of his worries but will now be firm and tell him when his anxiety is making him unreasonable.
I do think part of the anxiety makes you feel as if you are hurting family and my husband would get very sad about that but not really tackle it if that makes sense? I’ve asked him to try his best to channel the feelings of being better off alone into small things that can help us survive as a family (making daughters bed, phoning a friend, doing some CBT homework).
Do you feel supported by your partner? A month isnt a long time in the grand scheme of things so he needs to understand putting pressure on you isn’t going to help you get better. I do sometimes think men find these things harder to understand than women but it shouldn’t be an excuse.

I have health anxiety, I really feel for you op, it takes over your life doesn't it.
My parents used to get fed up of me constantly asking about health worries, my husband isn't much better so I tend to keep it to myself which doesn't help as sometimes I need reassurance.
I've had it for over 20 years now, tried counselling and CBT, I also have OCD with it too so constant checking, and intrusive thoughts.

I kept a diary of all my health concerns and some basic stats like weight and bp. This helped me see over two years I didn’t have any of the ill esss I was concerned about and helped me reprogrammed my brain from ‘ice definitely got x...’ to ‘I think I’ve got x but I didn’t have all the others and I’m still alive after two years.’ I also take duloxetine on a low dose which has been like turning the anxiety tap off. Miraculous.

Oh I also asked my husband to listen to my concerns for five minutes a day with no interruption or eye rolling g, and a promise he would tell any medical profs what I was worried about if I passed out. Sounds ridiculous but it helped me a lot, and him.

DD had health anxiety two years ago while waiting for diagnosis of a medical condition. I guess looking back she had always been worried about various ailments but googling symptoms brought it to a head. The worst symptoms she experienced were numbness in her face and legs and I could always tell when because she would prod at her face. It really was a hugely stressful time for her (and me) and led to panic attacks and calling an ambulance because we thought there was something seriously wrong. She was prescribed Diazepam in the short term and underwent various tests. But the tests only provided reassurance temporarily because then it would lead to worries about it being something else. In the end the best thing for her was CBT. Having witnessed it I know how all-consuming it is and I feel for you and your family. I don't know if this will be of any help to you but it might be worth a look...

www.psychologytools.com/assets/covid-19/guide_to_living_with_worry_and_anxiety_amidst_global_uncertainty_en-gb.pdf

All I can say, Like the others, is that you will get through it. At some point you'll look back on the times you panicked, warm and comfortable and happy.

If you get a bipolar diagnosis you should definitely take your meds.
It will take a while to get used to but they are invaluable imo. I have a family member who has recently been diagnosed and the medication really worked. First prescription caused allergies but the second one is much better.

I really like the suggestion @Haggisfish mentioned. I don’t have health concerns so don’t know from that angle, but my partner and I have had to do that with work issues before. Hope you can conquer it OP, best wishes.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Health-Anxiety

This website has good self help info for health anxiety. Hopefully it will help you.