I’m having a breakdown

[Louise26x]

I don’t know who to turn to. I feel like everyone doesn’t give a shit about me.

I feel like I’m stood in a room shouting for help and my family are just watching me. I’m not coping well at all.

Iv begged Dh for support. He doesnt get it.

The dc are driving me insane and if wasn’t for my youngest I wouldn’t be here right now.

My sister FaceTimed me and kept saying how I shouldn’t be happy my oldest isn’t like me at her age. I told her I was like that because I had an awful childhood with our mum drinking and trying to kill herself weekly. I was the only one left at home and had to deal with it throughout my child and teen years.

She said I wasn’t sexually abused or beaten so I had a decent childhood because I was bought things.

I feel even more like shit

Why can’t I be normal.

Why can’t I enjoy my children.

Why can’t I be happy
Why can’t I be loved

I can feel myself spiralling.

My chest hurts and my head hurts

The kids need feeding but Dh isn’t doing it

I want to run Asay and take my youngest with me. Just me and her.

I want my mum. I want to be with my mum.

I can’t take much more

Welcome to the club. I really identify with what you said about feeling like you're standing in the middle of the room, screaming for help and no one even looks up. I know you cant do much now in lockdown but honestly the thing that helped me most was getting some counselling. I struggled to find the money and ended up paying a large chunk off my my car loan to reduce the monthly payments then saving back up and finding a therapist who does sliding scale fees but it helps so much just to have someone to talk to and keeps things in perspective. Some things I didn't even really think were things until I told him about them and he was so pissed off on my behalf that I realised he was right. Why the fuck was I putting up with it? It helps to have someone behind you.

Now go and lose your shit at your husband and kids, stop clearing up after them, just go shut yourself away in the bathroom and let chaos reign until he decides to be a parent and pull his weight. Tell your sister to fuck off if she can't say anything supportive. Tell your husband if he wants to stay married then he needs to pull his fucking weight and back you up.

As for the kids. There's something to be said for martial law. Tonne of bricks.

Do you need to ring your dr?. When dh had a breakdown he had diazepam for a few weeks and it helped a lot.