Fallen for my counsellor

[paranoid56]

My heads all over the place. I had a thread taken down last night for talking about stuff i shouldn't.
I've really fallen for my counsellor, she knows and I had kind of moved on in my mind, but i can't get her out of my head at the moment, my heads all over the place.
I'm either in a very dark place or obsessing over someone I cant have,
I don't know whether to speak to her about it again.

I'm a therapist, this isn't uncommon and its usually the unconscious transference between you, rather than actually being in love though appreciate it may feel very intense and real to you. Its important to explore in within the therapy.

I know I will discuss it with her, I just wish it ways able to be in real life rather than online as things obviously are at the moment.
I'm finding that very hard with the community mental health team too, I've had a lot of input from them in the last 18 months.
I'm struggling at the moment, it was only 2 months ago I was sectioned.
My son came back to live with me just over 3 weeks ago.
I can't let people know I'm struggling, but we are in an unprecedented time.

Feelings for your counsellor are not uncommon. It's a very intense and intimate relationship, unlike any other. There is no other relationship where we are the sole focus, it's totally one way. You only know one side of her. You dont know the side of her that gets chronic PMS or farts after eating salad etc. Best thing is to talk to her about it. She can help you work through the feelings in a safe environment. It's the most excruciatingly mortifying conversation you will ever have, I can vouch for that but she knows that this happens and is trained in how to deal with it. My counsellor put it quite bluntly. He said "You've fallen for me because you know that you and me cant happen. I'm the training wheels. I'm where you get to experience falling for someone with none of the risk. If you're in love with me, that's great, it means you are capable of falling for someone else who IS available. This is a good thing! This is THE sign that you're getting somewhere, this is progress!"

He was completely unfazed. A professional counsellor will be very willing to discuss and work through transference issues and anything else on your mind. If she isn't then I'd suggest finding someone new to work through it. Maybe a man if you are normally attracted to women. I mean, it can still happen but less likely.

She was unfazed when we discussed it before and I thought I had moved on, she has seen me at my most vulnerable, she accepts me as I am and doesn't judge me.
My head really is all over the place I'm also having some really dark thoughts. I hate myself. I've done some really bad things in the past and I can't forgive myself.

Then perhaps you should bring it back up. You know she won't react badly to it so examine it. If you thought you had moved on then maybe it's just an unconscious attempt to divert therapy away from another issue that is getting too close for comfort