i think I’m getting bad again

[lostthepoint]

Just that. I thought I was better but I’m not. Just don’t see the point in life anymore. Want to die. But I don’t want to. I’ve survived this before, I just don’t think I can survive this again. I’m ready to give it all up

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad.

Are you alone in lockdown? What's your situation regarding work and friends?

@lostthepoint please don’t give up. I know it’s hard. Do you have anyone with you? Or anyone you can call? Try to take one breath after another. Tomorrow will be easier.

I live with my family, but they’re all asleep. I don’t want to wake anyone up as sleep is rare in my family (we all have health problems). I have a few friends but I don’t want to burden them.

A friend wouldn't feel burdened by your problems, but it's late to call them now unless you're desperate. Could you make a note of what you want to say to them and try to get some sleep?

What gives you pleasure in your life?

I literally can’t think of anything that I would say to them (and normally they’re awake until late).

I don’t really find much pleasure in life anymore. I try to write but my writings shit. It’s all dull. Just faking smiles non stop, pretending to be okay

If they're awake until late, could you just say you're feeling a bit low and could they help cheer you up? I know it's more serious than that but that way you're not going to worry them. Just a chat about something light might help you right now.

All writing is shit at first - don't worry about that! (Writer here.)

I’ve logged in to say it’s okay not to be okay (cliche I know, but it’s true). Stay strong though. You can get through this. You’re really not alone. (And many famous writers think their writing is dull - the modest ones, anyway. The fact you write at all is great.)

Agree Hollow re the writing ☺️

Dear lostthepoint I'm so sorry that your feeling this way. Do you feel able to call the samaritans? Or to text to your friends now and tell them that your struggling and would appreciate some support.

I guess my writing has gotten better over time (well if you compare my recent pieces to some from a few years ago). I’ve messaged my friend I just hope she’s still awake.

I would phone (my care coordinator said to phone 111 option 2) but I don’t want to wake up the house and I don’t know what I’d do if they knew how bad I am again

Sorry you’re having a rough time.
I think your care coordinator wouldn’t mind a call, and would like to help you.

Are you able to find anywhere quiet where you feel safe to whisper? You could just tell them you need some support.

@lostthepoint - please hang in there The world is better off with you in it. Honestly.

Sadly won’t be able to find anywhere quiet. While things are getting worse at home so I guess dad might understand if I was phoning someone my mum wouldn’t be happy about it. I don’t want to anger her

I can't imagine how difficult things are for you but even reaching out on here is courageous and positive. Could you reach out by text to someone or a few friends? Life is so upside down at the moment. You are not alone. Is there anything that helps you when you have felt like this in the past?

Idk what to do anymore. Can’t message them I’d be a burden. It’d just be better if I wasn’t around.

I’m not here to tell you that it’s all going to be ok and that you’re not alone etc.

But I will tell you that you are important, you are loved and you ARE strong. Take care