Just need to talk - please listen!

[soanxious]

I am a regular here but have changed name to stop RL friends knowing about this.

Recently I started getting lightheaded, having palpitations and hot flushes. I thought I had something seriously wrong with me but I also notice I have started thinking the worst of everything. I keep thinking me, DH ad DC's have something seriously wrong with them if they so much as sneeze.

Therefore, now I think my own symptoms are severe anxiety.

I have recently given up work to bring my kids up with their mummy around and I've started being even more weird. I'm completely obsessed with my DH ex, I want to know everything that is going on in her life - why, why why??? He has a child with her so we have a lot to do with her but we are by no means friends and live miles apart.

Also I am convinced no-one likes me - all the time. I have lots of friends but I am always convinced that if I didn't bother with them then they wouldn't bother with me.

Today, I was walking down from school and I stopped another mum (who is a good friend) and started talking to her, she was with two other mums who I know but when she stopped to talk, they carried on. After a minute she said she had to go as they were waiting for her. I carried on walking home and when I looked back they were all still stood there.

Now all I can think about is why didn't they all just stop and talk to me? I'm not a horrible person.

I also obsess about people being horrible to my DS1 and ask him about ten thousand questions when he comes out of school about what everyone has said to him during the day - it drives him mad!! If anyone has said anything remotely horrible I get depressed.

I realise I have a problem but I just can't get over it. It is seriously getting me down.

Do you think I need help? Medication?

I have been through a divorce, an abusive relationship, ill health and having a child with special needs and have always been strong through that.

Now I have a loving caring DH and fantastic kids I just don't seem to be able to cope.

My main problem is feeling like an outsider. I don't have the nerve to ask people round to my house etc, I have to wait to be asked and get jealous when I see other mum's going off together but I just don't have the confidence to get rejected.

Please help. I feel like I am going mad!

Sorry it's long, thanks for reading.

I think you need to see your gp and talk about your feelings, maybe see a counsellor.

you sound very anxious and very lacking in confidence with no self esteem. Medication may help mask symptoms but if you want to change things, you need to get to the cause.

You sound like you have been through a lot, it is normal to be emotionally worn out by that, doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong with you.

I'm sure you're not going mad, but I do think you sound very miserable. I hope you go to see your gp.

xx

sounds like a bit of depression creeping in.

i often find that when you are like this, you need to consciously put positive actions into your day.

writing out a list can help as you tend to fel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, when you finish it.

if you start to get into a cycle of negative thinking, switch off anf egt up and do something physical instead.

exercise, sunshine and fresh air are great levellers, as is company.

hope some of this helps.

I was having a little panic at the weekend as I had had 2 days of feeling happy and it scared me. Not used to being happy.

Hope things get better for you soon.

I think you are a person who is used to turbulence in their lives and now you are happy with your dh and children it is very hard to accept that everything is really, truly going well in your life.

I know this feeling well.

WIth regard to your feelings about friends and other mums, I also understand completely where you are coming from because I used to be the same - quite shy but then a bit overbearing (trying to be confident). I've learnt to relax and be myself and just accept that I am good enough and not to take everything to heart. At one time the women walking off would have hit me personally in the way it did you, but now I wouldnt dwell on it that way.

The only thing I can say is that once you get yourself in this self-deprecating frame of mind it is hard to rationalise your thinking but you just have to be brave.

This might sound daft but before you consider medication (if you were considering it) could you try reiki? I cant explain how it works, but it does work. It kind of makes you feel taller and bouncier if that makes sense.

Good Luck

Thank you so much everyone, it just helps to talk.

The latest thing I've got is that my PIL's hate me and my children (one is even their grandchild!). It's just that I found out they were chatting with DH ex more than with me and it stung. But they say they're doing it because they are worried about their grandchild and want to make sure she treats him right (She isn't the best mother you see). In my more rational times I would have been fine with this!

It's making my DH and me strained but he treats me like a princess all the time and when I have a go about things he just brings me a cup of tea or flowers!

Binkle - I will definitely try the reiki, have just been reading up about it as I had not heard of it before.

Thank you.