anxious 18 year old again

[im2sexy4unow]

I know there must be many people in this position or worse. However, I just need a few strategies.

My 18 year old son has a chronic anxiety disorder. It is classed as GAD, but manifests and OCD and a health anxiety.

He used to go to the gym every day for two to three hours. This is where he got his only social contact, apart from contact with me and his father (we live apart).

Now, more than a week into the lock down, his mental health is suffering. He has some gym equipment at home and he pushes himself to ridiculous levels. When he goes out, he walks for miles. I think his minimum is 21000 steps. This is in a rural location. He has also changed his eating routine.

The OCD elements of his behaviour (checking, tidying, cleaning, counting) make my work from home difficult to carry out.

Basically, I am really worried about how he is coping and I just want some advice about how to help him

Bumping for you and hope someone will be along soon with advice.
I have DC with mental health problems so I know how helpless it makes you feel, must be so much harder right now.
I have had a DD with anorexia, now recovered but a rocky road and now have a younger DD with anxiety was struggling to go to school , the schools closing has reduced both our stress levels .
Are their any helplines currently open? Young minds etc that might be able to offer advice or just offer a listening ear.
I would try distraction watch films, play games, walk with him ( a reasonable distance!) can he do any jobs round the house/ garden, online courses? Talk to him about his feelings. All easier said then done and I know looking after a teen with mental health problems can be a full time job and take over your life, so make sure you take time to look after and pamper yourself too , I hope everything improves soon , I could never imagine my anorexic DD eating normally but she now does, hang in there!

I have an 18 year old with OCD and Bi Polar. Prone to rages and smashing things. Currently in a prolonged sulk as “there is no food in the house”. We have more food in the house than ever before, two full fridges and two full freezers. Tons of canned and dried goods. I took pictures of it all to send to my sister as my DD is claiming that I am starving her. This is because I’m not cooking specific meals that she wants, when she wants. I’m using the food that is near its use by date first. She is on medication which seems to make her more aggressive. Just trying to ride it out.

My daughter also used to have eating issues. I think she is not eating to punish me for telling her off for smoking in a guest bedroom in the house. I went up there to look for something and there were overflowing ashtrays everywhere from three weeks ago when she had friends to stay pre lockdown. Butts in glasses, empty bottles, the Cards of Humanity game thrown all over the room. She does not respond well to any criticism. It becomes catastrophic and about everything else even if I ask her to any chores or self care/ responsibilities whatsoever. I think she may have that other condition related to demand refusal. I used to think it was teenage behaviour but it’s so over the top/melodramatic and unreasonable.

PDA. Pathological Demand Refusal. I’ve never heard of it before but it feels very familiar.

Is he on any medication? I know you are not supposed to use medicine for it’s side effects but my daughter got some relief from her OCD, anxiety and insomnia from over the counter anti histamines. I find them useful if I get insomnia. They act like a very mild sedative. My DD is currently on prescribed meds atm which seem to make her either aggressive or sleepy.

Thank you for the massive response. PDA has been mentioned with respect to my son (his older brother has autism and is in a residential home). However, he does not wish to pursue assessment.

Yes, the eating is a problem. He states that he has to exercise so that he can eat. He is slim, but within a normal weight for his height and age. However he is 'ripped' and does physique checks in the bathroom frequently throughout the day. Shopping for the food he will eat is difficult in the current situation.

Incidentally, many years ago I was hospitalised for a serious eating disorder and I am trying not to interpret my son's behaviour and thought process through my past experience. However, there are similarities.

My friend has also had massive rows with her 18 year old over food. Pre lockdown. She works full time and he (an 18 yr old) expected her to be home to cook for him at the same time every day. When I commented on this to my daughter she said “It’s probably not about the food, he probably feels a bit neglected and lonely” . I think I will try and build some bridges today by making some home made pizza dough or pasta. I have a pasta machine for 15 years that I’ve never used! And maybe some banana/ oat flapjacks. Try and get her involved in making stuff she likes.

I think also maybe we should make some healthy salads and stuff to put in Tupperware so she can help herself to something healthy. She’s complaining about eating pasta and bread too much as her own cooking skills are limited.

There is a lot of pressure on them these days with social media to be eating “clean”. Which often means lots of labour intensive, high protein expensive meals. sigh
I suppose I should use the opportunity to teach her some healthy staple recipes.