anti-depressants

[whyamistillhere]

I've been prescribed yet another anti-depressant to try. I've tried so many and none of them have helped. I'm still depressed, I still have suicidal thoughts. Is it time to give up hoping that these little pills can fix me? Maybe I'm expecting too much? Can these little pills do anything to help? Can they stop that stupid voice that constantly tells me how stupid and worthless I am, the one that tells me the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it? Can they stop the replaying of every social interation I've ever had, over and over again in my head, with the running commentary of how idiotic and embarrassing I am and that I should never speak to anyone ever and that nobody should ever have to waste their precious time talking to me. Is that even depression or is it just inherent self loathing? Is there a pill for that?

Anti-depressants are prescribed to up the chemical balance in your brain. You need to take them for long enough to top up your own levels and to feel well enough that your own body starts to make its own happy chemicals too.
However, alongside that, you need to change behaviour and coping strategies so that you’re able to deal with situations of stress differently so that your body doesn’t become depleted again.
You sound like you’re in a very low place in your life and that you’ve just become used to blaming yourself for things, instead of being able to see that things aren’t your fault and there are ways to work through things,
So for all the questions you ask, then no, a pill alone won’t change the thoughts you have, without some therapy alongside that.
Im not an expert by any means, I’ve just had enough bouts of depression to recognise you’re a lot lower than I have ever been. ADs have enabled me to recognise I’ve needed to change the way I deal with life. It’s a work in progress. Life throws a lot at us these days.
You’re worth this though. You just need to look in the mirror and tell yourself you need this chance. You need somebody who can help you to unravel your life and work out how you’ve got where you are now. But you deserve that chance. You really do.

Thank you for taking the time to reply @daisydalrymple
I have been taking them for a while now, each one I try gets at least 3 months, up to 6. The Dr said I have treatment resistant depression.
"But you deserve that chance. You really do." I think that's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you
I often read threads in here from people struggling and wonder how words from a stranger on the internet can help, or from a voice on the other end of a phone line when calling the samaritans is recommended. Turns out they somehow do. Maybe I'll give therapy a try after corona when the world is back to normal.

Have you tried a different class or are they all the same type?

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut I've tried SSRIs SNRIs and Tetracyclic.

After going through tons of anti depressants with no luck I've found paroxetine to be the only one that really helps.Yes it does have side effects like they all do but overall it's the only one that has kept me mentally stable especially through this crisis. Antidepressant wont make you feel super happy, but they should stabalise your mood and allow you to function on a day to day level.

I found a lot of success with Amitriptyline which is Tricyclic and I've heard good things about Atypical antidepressants like Trazodone. Perhaps worth trying them before giving up.

Also might be worth looking at finding a counsellor or therapist to talk things through. It helps to feel less alone. I didn't want to at first and going to that first meeting was probably one of the biggest risks I've ever taken but was worth it.

Thank you for replying @happyandsingle and @nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut I haven't tried Amitriptyline yet so I'll suggest that one next.
I've been searching through therapy options today and I definitely can't afford private therapy. I tried self referring to nhs counselling before and after waiting for a year they could only offer three sessions of cbt in a group setting.

With luck, the right tablet will take the edge off enough for therapy and your own efforts to work in getting you to a better place. When they work it is like getting stabilisers to help you learn to ride a bike instead of massive wobbling about (that you then blame yourself for).

Try to have faith; in things getting better for you, even if you don’t know when or how. There is nothing inherent about self-loathing. It has accumulated in you over time and it can be rolled back with work. Therapy is important for this- take whatever the NHS offers you, however unpromising it seems. Even Mindfulness.

And do use MN. There are a lot of us on here going through similar or who have come out the other side and we are rooting for you.

It's a bit of a bitch first couple of weeks but the side effects subside really quickly. You'll sleep like the dead. Some therapists do sliding scale fees so you only pay what you can afford. Worth looking into.

It’s such strange times now for everybody being in isolation, that probably won’t help you either.

If you can find a little motivation to look after yourself, little steps can all help too.
Exercise and fresh air really do help, which I appreciate might not be easy right now, depending on where you live. If you’re lucky enough to be near open space, maybe aim for a 20-30 min walk when you can, or lots of free workouts on YouTube at the moment.

Little changes to diet may also help, so eg Brazil nuts are always mentioned to boost serotonin levels, most nuts and seeds will help, as will oily fish for the fatty acids, eggs, turkey, bananas, dairy are said to be sources of tryptophan, which helps boost serotonin. B vitamins also supposed to be good. (An easy source of b vitamins are many breakfast cereals are fortified with them).

Try make time for a bubble bath, paint your nails, hand cream, it might sound bonkers and irrelevant given how low you’re feeling, but equally might just give you a little boost to look after yourself. Just focus on what you’re doing one step at a time.

I appreciate it’s a vicious circle, because often you can’t be bothered with anything and don’t want to make any effort. I’m not saying for a minute that any of these actions will make you feel better, but little steps like this that help you think about making changes and enable you to look after yourself a bit, might just lead on to the realisation that with little steps you might just be able to change the way you think and deal with things, whilst hopefully finding an antidepressant better suited to you and possibly CBT or other.

As pp say above, mindfulness might be a way to help you process your thoughts and how you deal with a situation.
NHS mindfulness link

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut i had that side effect on mirtazapine and quite enjoyed it!

@HighNetGirth i read somewhere that mindfulness can be tricky if you have past trauma so i have avoided that but i will do the cbt when services are resumed, it was postponed due to corona. Thank you for the rooting, it's always good to know people do make it out the other side.

@daisydalrymple i think lockdown is helping, for once I'm actually supposed to be locked away indoors keeping my distance from people so i'm having less anxiety because there's no pressure to go out and do things. the dietary info is interesting. It is a vicious cycle, self care and eating healthily and exercise are all things that can help lift your mood but the motivation to do them is non existant when you're in the depths of depression. Thank you for reminding me that something as small as hand cream is at least a start.

Its nice isnt it?

Got to have some perks to make up for the bastard dry mouth.

I didn't actually have any unpleasant side effects on that one, it didn't do anything for the depression though. I often wondered if I took another one in the morning if I could sleep all day too but never tried it.