Massive MH crisis. Don't know what to do.

[SandyGotMarried]

I am having a huge crisis this week.
I've had so much loss and heartbreak the last 2 years I feel that I physically and mentally cannot cope. I want to die please.,
But I'm also terrified of dying.
I've been medically suspended from my frontline NHS job due to bad asthma and the last few days I've been experiencing symptoms of a chest infection. But no temperature or cough. I'm terrified I have the virus and I don't know what to do.
My husband is very supportive but I feel like I'm screaming in a glass box.
I don't want to do this anymore, I can't.
I need a way out of this hell, I can't cope

Hi Sandy

Look after your asthma. Take your medications for it as you should. Get that chest investigated - could be asthma related.
I get it. Work is part of your identity. That has been taken away just now along with the other trauma you mention. It's scary times right now. Frontline NHS - you are definitely strong enough to get through it even if it doesn't seem that way right now. Don't give up.