Suicidal thoughts

[Imogen2489]

I don't feel I can cope any more and don't know what to do. I have been thinking a lot about suicide methods and how it would be better just to end things.

I have a 4 month old who wakes up every 2 hours at night so despite going to bed when he does I get very little sleep. I tend to go to bed at 7.30pm but after his 3rd wakening at 2am ish I am normally wide awake for the rest of the night.

During the day I now have to also care for my older son who has severe learning disabilities, autism plus a genetic condition. The baby only naps on me in a darkened room so the 3 hours while the baby is napping my older son is left to run around with the ipad. He does not understand why he can't go out anywhere anymore or see his friends or family. I feel so guilty I can't do much with him during the day, even when the baby is awake he is very clingy and needs almost constant attention.

On top of this we are part way through having an extension built. The builders have stopped working, the garden is unsafe and there is mud everywhere and services have been disconnected from our existing kitchen. We have a number of expensive items on order, kitchen, windows etc and I have no idea whether they will ever turn up or if it will ever be completed. I feel stupid moaning about this when peoples lives are being lost but it is the combination of everything that is so hard to deal with.

I can't stop thinking that I would rather just end things now. My husband will be able to look after the children without me. He is happy at the moment as he is loving working from home and does try to help out when he can with the children but it isn't enough.

[WanderingTrolley1]

How are you doing, OP?