I can’t live in terror for the next year

[ocdhelpcovid19]

I can’t . I’m spending every waking moment terrified and counting down the hours until I can take mirtazipine to fall asleep again .

Every little thing is petrifying me, my cat, the mail, touching food and drink, showering . I live with my mum and when she tries to hug me I’m backing 10 foot away as I’m scared . I can’t physically open the front door without shaking as I’m scared I’m letting the germs in . I’ve got a mounting pile of rubbish and recycling and I can’t cope with the thought of taking it out in case the germs are on the bins . The door handles . Everywhere .

And then when I forget about the germs, it’s worrying about food and where the food is coming from . My only relatively safe zone is my bedroom but my cat likes to follow me there and I can’t go near him just now (he’s fine, he’s fed) .

I’m desperately waiting on GP phoning tomorrow . Tesco are due soon and I know that will set off 6 hours of panic attacks and scrubbing my hands again and I can’t cope .

I’m considering ending it all as I will die of the virus anyway . If I can find a relatively peaceful way . I don’t want to see my friends and family die in pain . My friend is a senior nurse for A&E and keeps telling us on Facebook that we are all at risk of dying, talking about morgues and mortuaries and all sorts and I feel like asking her to please, please stop . I don’t want to know .

I'm so sorry, I have no real advice for you. I didn't want to just read and not post. Do you have a mental health care provider that you could call and talk to? A crisis team? I suffer severe mental health issues also, and I would advise you to disable your Facebook. I feel considerably calmer since I did that. I also asked friends and family to only tell me things that I really really have to know, and not to tell me about people dying etc. It's not burying your head in the sand, it's taking care of your mental health.

Poor you. I have no advice but I WISH people would stop with the scaremongering. I know several medics and they’re sharing too much information with me. I’m not someone with anxiety, but what if I shared their internal emails? It’s so inappropriate.

Disable FB. Limit the news coverage you see if stats would comfort you - research them. This still kills only a tiny proportion of people that contract it.

I have been there OP and I know how utterly exhausting and traumatic it is. [ flowers] for you. Dealing with this while your ocd is flaring must be so awful.

First I do think you have to try and challenge the catastrophising about dying of the virus. Any of us might, but you atate that you will. Even in those over 80 most survive including many with underlying health issues. Is there any reason you are at high risk of severe illness?

I have been where you are in terms of anxiety and behaviour, but when there wasn't a pandemic! I think it is interesting to see that some of the extreme precautions I took were not needed then, but are sensible now.

As I am taking them now I am worried, as we all are, but I can feel that it is coming from a different place, a place of logic rather than the brain processes that set up with ocd where you never feel you have done enough.

It's going to be really hard to manage and treat ocd while in a period where you also would ideally be taking some precautions.

I am not sure what approach is best. It seems like addressing your own personal risk, and your mum's is sensible. You could maybe then decide what procedures to not engage in. Things you need to do, try really hard to set a limit on what you will do and how long it will take.

Unfollow your friend on Facebook or come off it all together. Most of what you see on there isn’t real or it’s anecdotal so can be dismissed.

It’s an anxious time, switch off news/SM etc. It will just make you feel worse and not all is factual. Flu happens every year OP. Try to keep busy, keep safe, follow official advice, that’s all any of us can do. This will pass and life will return to normal. Handhold OP.