There are so many things weighing heavily on me at the moment and I’m lying in bed crying every night. I don’t know what to do.
I’m terrified that I’m going to die of coronavirus. Or DH or DS, or my parents. The little time I have left with my parents is being taken away because they need to self isolate. My Dad refuses to stop going to the shop for his daily pint of milk. He cares for my stepmum who has dementia, if he gets taken to hospital she’ll be dumped on a care system that’s more overloaded than ever and I don’t know what will happen to her. My parents are nearly 80 and because of my health they are actually trying to help me, and it’s just so wrong and I feel guilty.
When my DS was born with additional needs we agreed I’d spend two years at home and he’d cope better with nursery by age two. I was a teacher. But I can’t realistically return to work under the current circumstances! We can’t cope without me working for much longer. DS was literally just starting nursery and I was finally getting a tiny bit of independence. But now I’m back to being stuck at home for the foreseeable future. I thought it was finally approaching the end but now it’s been snatched away. I don’t even have my Mum to help any more - she came every day to help me cope with DS and now she can’t. There’s no financial help available for people who were planning to get a job but now can’t.
I’m just feeling very sorry for myself and very frightened about what’s to come. I can’t help my parents. I can’t help myself.