I am hoping someone can give me some advice/make me see sense.
I have been on antidepressants since my dd (18 months old) was born. My hv told me I was suffering with severe pnd which had probably reached a peak due to things that have happened in my past that I bottled up (abusive ex, a road traffic accident and a death in the family all in a short space of time).
So I went to the dr and he prescribed prozac which made me feel awful. Eventually I was prescribed Citalopram which I am supposed to still be taking but since my prescription ran out in June I haven't gone back to the doctor and I don't know why.
I feel like I am in a bubble, empty, numb and detached from what is going on around me. Whole days go by and I can't even tell you what I have done during the day except looking after the kids. I put on a happy face all the time but it's all an act. I feel so miserable and can't help snapping at dh all the time.
I am finding it hard to stay in touch with people as I feel like I just can't be bothered which is a vicious circle as I feel so lonely and isolated most of the time. The main reason I rarely post on here is that I can't even summon up the energy to write on here, I just can't explain it in words.
I feel as though I am such a fraud because I am always acting as though everything is ok but in reality the only thing going right (other than dh and the kids) is my studying. I throw myself into it because it helps me block out everything else if that makes sense?
Sorry to go on but I am really stuck with what to do, I know I have to go back to the dr but I am terrified of admitting how awful I feel as it seems the dr just gives me pills and then sends me on my way. I really need to talk to someone about it, to let it all out but I don't have someone to tell it all to. I feel like it would push my friends away if I told them how I really feel and I don't have any family to talk to other than dh (who is also depressed I think)