Help mixed episode

[Theodoreb]

All the stress and anxiety has led to me self isolating the household i have severe copd and I am frightened.

I have bipolar and schizophrenia and have one weeks worth of medication as I am not allowed more owing to recurrent previous overdoses. But I do now have monthly diazepam to calm down mania or paranoia I get 40 a month and have 28 left as only use them when needed have been using them to keep me calm.

Didn't sleep at all last night I tried my best as knew the familiar feelings of mania and as I'm sure people are aware being stuck in the house I was manic most of the albeit controlled with diazepam. About two hours ago my mood crashed now I am sat her feeling like I am not good enough frightened that when my mood goes back up I'm going to need sectioning and I can't afford that with my dc right now they need me. All 3 dc have special needs and no one else can actually cope with them apart from my mum and she is in a bad place right now owing to issues with my sister, I do not want to put this stress on her.

I am feeling urges to self injure to control something in life anything, I also have underlying Eating disorders so have been refusing food as a method of having control.

I am just so so frightened.

@2bazookers thank you that's what I normally do and fortunately my family are used to me playing a song on repeat as often I pick a song dependent on mood and only that song will do to keep them away or at least quieter.

I'm fine thank you. Some of my neighbours popped by today. They are handing out flyers telling people how to stay safe and offering to collect medication and food shopping for those self isolating. It's really lovely to see.

There's no rice for my shop, that's a bit annoying and I can't stock up on my soya milk, as they're only allowing a handful at a time. It's annoying as it means I have to then go to the supermarket to forage.

I'm using the time decorating. I'm going to order paint on Friday, luckily I have everything I need here as I've been meaning to do it for ages. I just couldn't choose the colours. I have now, so I'm going to get on with that.

I'm glad yours turned up ok and you have organised your medication. You do sound very on top of things.

Sounds like there are some lovely people around which gives me hope. I am going to decorate as well funnily thinking it's perfect time to teach my oldest dc as well who is 14.

I have had to take 4 2mg diazepam today just as I was overthinking I'm allowed to take up to 10mg twice a day but that has sorted me out will probably take another 2 later to go to bed. I haven't taken any in 4 days so I think I'm coping well. And I pick up more tomorrow despite still having plenty so I am not abusing them as I know people worry about this.

Sorry I haven't replied I genuinely thought I had

Meds arrived so mind at ease till next week. Psychiatrist receptionist called to say I've been moved over to phone consultations. Got my appointment on 30th so not long.

Sounds like you've got it all under control. I think most appointments are now over the phone.

I'm doing my bedroom, which room are you decorating?

I want to move around all the bedrooms.

My mum has moved out so I'm going to have her room which is second biggest, then moving my son into the biggest room and giving my two Dd a room each. One is having DS room one is having mine. So want all new furniture and want to paint and wallpaper the dc three rooms.
DS wants black, DD1 wants blue DD2 wants unicorn wallpaper. What colour are you doing yours?

Sounds exciting. I'm doing my bedroom Dulux Tranquil Dawn. I wanted something calm and yes, tranquil. It's currently white and I'm fed up with it. I wanted to introduce colour but nothing too oppressive as waking up in a dark bedroom is horrible in winter. It seems lovely and changes colour in the light. It's arriving sometime next week, I hope! Could be weeks because of delays.

I'm also looking at colours for the sitting room as I may as well do that as well if we're going to be indoors for the foreseeable.

Are you wallpapering yourself? Very impressive.

That looks lovely. my mum will be teaching me to wallpaper. So we will see how it goes as once she gets past her two week isolation she's moving in here for a time.

Sounds like a good plan, having your mum there. Wallpapering looks hard so that's a good skill to learn. I've put a shout out on Twitter for fantasy authors for you, will come back with a list soon.

My Twitter fantasy fans have told me some fantasy authors you might like:

Joe Abercrombie
Terry Pratchett
Guy Gavriel Kay
Robin Hobb
Anne McCaffrey - has dragons apparently.
Susanna Clarke
Lynn Flewelling- The Tamir trilogy

Tad Williams - Memory, Sorrow & Thorn series

David Gemmel
Naomi Novik
NK Jemisin
Robin McKinley
Tamsyn Muir
Brandon Sanderson
Raymond E Feist - Start with The Magician which is the first book in the Riftwar Series. Book 2 is Silverthorn and book 3 is A Darkness at Sethanon. The next 3 books, The Empire series, are written from the perspective of the other side of the Riftwar.

RA Salvatore's Drizzt series

There you go. That should satiate any cravings for fantasy you may have for several years to come

Thank you I'll find some I like I'm sure. Yea I wanted to learn wallpapering and think it be nicer for my mum to be here as opposed to us both being alone. She in vulnerable group as am I so we are just waiting 2 weeks to check neither of us have anything to spread to each other first.

I hope your mum is ok OP. How are you?

My mum is fine she staying isolated for two weeks as we both have copd so although no symptoms or contact as far as we know we just want to be sure.

Being honest I'm anxious I live near a small village and police are not stopping them going out which makes me think that they all going to get sick and overwhelm my hospital so pretty frightened. Don't get why they are not stopping it.

Just stay in OP. I'm glad to hear your mum is fine. Let's see how things go over the next few weeks. I believe things will be reassessed in three weeks.

Most rural communities had their local police stations closed with the austerity cuts. I don't suppose there are enough police to do the job. I wonder if the government will recruit more. I think a lot of places are worried about the hospitals being overwhelmed. We just need to take it one day at a time.

My delivery is coming today. I was really pleased that there are so few missing items. However, no tea bags!

I think the shops are slowly returning to normal. Which is good I am trying not to stress but it makes me really angry that they getting away with that and no one is stopping them, they always thought they could do what they want I grew up there and was constantly around drugs as they were everywhere I couldn't wait to get away and I love where I live now.

It's a small town so not too busy for me but big enough to have activities near by shops within walking distance of my house even a tesco but I prefer home delivery from asda (btw happy most of your stuff came if I really want something that's hard to get I buy the most expensive one as they are more likely to substitute that and give the extra money back) the only think bugging me is I have been self isolating for 12 days now and will continue until the virus is gone yet someone who has been ignoring rules running round everywhere might get infected through stupidity and take my hospital bed.

I realize I'm being slightly obsessive over this it's just that growing up there I hated how everyone thought they were above the law and how police didn't do much so this is a sore subject for me.

To tell you the truth OP, it's not your illness talking here, most people are fed up with those who are flouting the rules and making life worse for everyone else. Just keep yourself and your children safe, that's all you can do.

I need to forage for tea bags at some point but I'll probably order them online. I haven't been to the shops in nearly two weeks so I have no idea what's going on. I imagine that they will now have the change to restock since people have to stay away and yes, things should start to return to normal.

My paint arrived today. I really didn't expect it to turn up for a while but it's here so I have to get on with the painting now.

Did you have your marathon LoR session?

Glad your paint arrived I'm going to order mine when my disability goes in. no I haven't had a marathon of LOTR as I cancelled friend coming over owing to corona virus as I have been isolating for 12 days now. We been watching pirates of the Caribbean we just got one more to watch then may talk DS into watching all the lord of the rings and the hobbits with me.

I got a shopping delivery Thursday wondering what food will actually come as people are apparently still buying like mad here.

Kids been having fun though we do one activity a day a day except today. DS aged 14 could see I was tired and had a migraine from not sleeping enough as he has adhd and never sleeps (we are waiting for medication to help him sleep) so has noticed me up most nights so today he said for me to go back to bed while he would look after his two dsis aged 8 and 10 so they played a game all day. That made me feel so loved.

I hope you've had enough sleep OP and are feeling a bit better. I'm so pleased to hear your son is supporting you, that's lovely to hear.

I managed to find some tea bags online, ordered 600 as I have no idea when I'll next be able to buy some. They seem to be impossible to find in the shops right now.

I hope you do have your LoR marathon soon. Are you still in contact with your mental health team?