Some days I just hope I never wake up :(

[funinthesun19]

I’ve never been formally diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I have a strong suspicion that these are what I have and they are destroying me.

I just don’t know what to do I keep going because my children need me and they need the stability and happy life I give to them and I love them so much. But selfishly sometimes I just hope one day I never wake up so I can be free from my mind.

There is so much going on in my life that this could all be situational. I just need help

Didn't want to read and run but I've felt exactly like you before. And I have good and bad days so I won't give you the "it'll all be allright in time speech" as I hated that.
Have you been to the gp. Antidepressants as much as I really didn't want them have helped me through difficult times!
You say it could be situational... is there anything that can be changed about your situation or helped??

Please go to your GP as well as anti anxiety or anti depressants they will likely be able to offer several weeks of counselling.

How old are you Op?
I’m peri menopausal and was feeling the exact same.
I’ve been on HRT for a few months now and those feelings have definitely improved.

I turned 30 in November.

I have a lot going on and I’m feeling very overwhelmed by everything. I am a natural worrier, so when I’m under a lot of stress or go through painful events I find it even harder to cope.

• I split with my ex a few months ago after a a very bad relationship that involved emotional and physical abuse. My children are much happier now and I would be, but my ex will not leave me alone. He keeps being aggressive because I won’t take him back and keeps saying he wants to be a family again.

• I’m absolutely terrified of losing all of my children’s photos. Like my accounts being hacked or phones/iPads breaking. I recently lost a lot of my ds3’s photos and it’s been huge blow for me. I want to get every single one of my photos printed off because I just don’t trust digital copies any more.

• I have so much a want to do in the house like re decorating. But time and money keeps getting in the way and it’s really getting me down.

Ring woman's aid and ask for help blocking your ex. Getting rid of him and stopping communication will really help.

In that case, GP and support is needed

He was sending me horrible messages in the early hours of this morning, most likely drunk. I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I’m sleep deprived because of him which makes everything so much worse.

You've exited an abusive relationship and he's still abusing you. You're probably traumatised, which would make you feel depressed and anxious.

Speak to Women's Aid about your options for dealing with your ex.

Speak to your GP about mental health support - mention the abuse so they're aware you've experienced trauma and can direct you to the best place for support.

Maybe also look into the Freedom Programme course. It's info not therapy but they're supportive and it might help you feel a bit stronger.

I know exactly how you feel OP. Never had suicidal thoughts but I'd always think that being whisked away by aliens or as you say not wake up from a sleep would be so much easier than what I was dealing with. Please, please make an appt with your GP, they will be able to provide you with support and make a referral for you to see a counselor if you want

1. See GP with a view to getting an antidepressant. Believe me it WILL help. Think of it as a crutch - would you refuse it if you were to break your leg? Seriously, I resisted for so many years, but my AD helped me see through the fog and focus on what I needed to do - and, most importantly, actually DO it. It will also help with your anxiety and you may not even need an anxiolytic.

1. Also ask GP about a referral for counselling. That's the other crucial thing you need to cut through the fog, get reassurance and find the strength to be proactive in your dealings with your Ex.

1. Equally important and likely to be the most practical thing you can do to get out of the grips of your abusive Ex: contact Women's Aid.

1. Do the Freedom Programme, either online or by joining a local group if there is one.

1. Report your Ex to the police and seek their advice on getting him out of your life, e.g. via a restraining order. Before you call, make a list of all the abusive, aggressive, coercive things he has done to you, and how this has affected you and your children.

1. Read sone books/listen to podcasts about how to get away from and recover from abuse, and also about self-esteem and resilience. The first one shound be WHY DOES HE DO THAT by Lundy Bancroft, which will truly open your eyes and help you understand what you are dealing with. It is available free online as a PDF.

Lastly, make a list of the practical stuff that needs doing, including the decorating. Break each task into manageable steps and tackle them as and when. Don't stress over pealing wallpaper and the loose tiles in the bathroom - focus on your MH and getting away from the abuse.

Does he have regular fixed contact with the DC?

If no, tell him he can have the DC between X & Y every other weekend and if he doesn't agree then to take it to court. Tell him from now on he is to longer contact you by phone and to email you on... give him a dedicated email address.

Then block him on phone and all social media. You can unblock him on the phone whilst the DC are with him.

Check emails once per week.

He is doing this to control and intimidate you.