Will I ever feel better?

[MaybeKatie]

I really don't know what I'm hoping to get out of this thread but I feel like I should do something.

I've been crying for an hour now. I have to force myself every day to imagine someone telling my kids their mum has killed herself and picture their distraught faces to make sure I don't do it.

I don't know how to get out of this pit.

Medication doesn't seem to help anymore. I've tried several different ADs and beta blockers but came off them a few weeks back because they weren't helping. I don't even know if I do have depression and anxiety. I'm pretty certain I'm autistic (most of my family is but there's no service for adult assessment here) and think I'm in burnout.

I've tried the only charity here that seems to offer help and it was...what you'd expect from a free service to be honest (understaffed and disorganised). I was referred to psych through my GP but have since moved and suspect that referral has disappeared into the ether.

Just trying to get an appointment at the GP is a hugely stressful ordeal, which doesn't seem worth it since they're of no help whatsoever.

Will I ever feel better? It seems less and less likely.

Sorry you are at breaking point.

Unfortunately you need to go to your GP. Call and when the nosey receptionist asks why you need an emergency appointment tell then you feel like ending it all. That will get to into the doctor. You say you have moved so this can kick start your referral your new doctor might have some ideas to help.

Sorry to be so blunt. Please know that you are not alone

It took me ages to find the right AD. And if you stopped them suddenly or not under medical advice then that could be exacerbating your symptoms.
The GP can help. Please try.

Really not convinced they'd give me an emergency appointment.

When I first moved and ran out of beta blockers I followed the procedure to get a same day appointment (ringing at 8am on the dot etc.) but couldn't get through for half an hour and was told there were no more appointments and I should have phoned at 8. I explained I had and the line was so busy I didn't even get put in the queue and despite needing to get two autistic children to school out of area at that time of morning I'd still phoned back every couple of minutes until I got through. She told me to phone the next morning at eight. I explained I was literally out of beta blockers and it's really dangerous to stop them suddenly and she told me to ring back in the morning at eight. I said this would mean missing a dose and asked what I was supposed to do if the same thing happened the next morning and I couldn't get through again...she told me to phone back in the morning at eight.

She literally kept repeating it at me until I hung up.

The GPs at the surgery don't seem to know what to do with me. They ask me what I want them to do. They're sympathetic but genuinely don't seem to have a clue what to do with me.

I can't do anything that might get me committed. I need to be here for my kids.

Going to the GP to ask for CBT or different meds etc won’t get you committed.

If the receptionist is in repeat mode ask for the practice manage.

Different meds may well be the answer! What other support do you have

Keep trying OP. Take it day by day. Therapy can be a great asset to fight depression, I know from my own experience. Keep trying to get an appointment with your GP so they can refer you.
One day you’ll feel better and you know this was a shit time but you were strong and kept going.

I've tried three different ADs plus Propranalol. I guess I'm sceptical about any meds helping at this stage.

I had 'talking therapy' with a leaning towards CBT back when I first diagnosed with depression 25 years ago. It was so awful I told the guy I felt better just so I wouldn't have to go back. It put me off seeing anyone about my depression and it wasn't until I next moved and registered at a new practice I went back again. To be honest, CBT doesn't tend to be recommended for autistic people.

Plus, there's nothing like that available on the NHS here anyway (until the psych referral goes through in however many months there's nothing available except the charity I've already seen).

I'm not in a town or city or anything and I get the feeling the GPs here just don't have much experience or knowledge of mental health issues. They tend to like to send you away to 'wait and see' (in other words, they want me to be someone else's problem).

Sorry, I do know how obstructive I'm being. I know it's infuriating.

I guess I just feel like I've already tried all the options and they didn't help.

Keep knocking on the GP’s door it the best away in,

What other support do you have around you

Your GP practice SHOULD give you an emergency appointment if you suffer with MH problems. My gp has an average 2 week wait for standard appointments. As soon as I mention the word sertraline suddenly they can get me in same day. Please please get back in touch with your GP and request an emergency appointment.

I was prescribed sertraline for anxiety and my catastrophising so I can't comment on depression but what I can tell you is that it DOES get better! I have 2 close family members who have come out the other side.

Also, please do not stop taking any medication without speaking to a GP. You may not realise it but it will effect how you feel. I hope you get the answers you need x