i just can't do this anymore. I am so self absorbed and weak that i have almost driven my wonderful caring partner to a nervous breakdown. This morning i had him in my kitchen with a knife in his hands saying he could just end it for himself now. This was because i was going overboard over a cock up by the council tax saying they were sending the bailiffs, if i had kept calm and acceptad that the woman was going to call me back then ten minutes later it was all resolved, their monumental cock up and its sorted now. The reason my DP is on the edge like this is totally because of me, an evil, selfish bitch, i honestly cannot find the words to describe how much i hate myself right now. I just obsess the whole time about being scared of this illness , that illness etc etc, im ADs for anxiety disorder and im always making him come home from work over one drama or another. My teenage daughter hates me, and all i live for is my little DD (aged 2.2), im so terrified that i am going to die and not be here for her it takes over my every waking moment. The ADs are helping but you would think wouldnt you that i would be able to sort myself out. Ive got a PhD, but i wont get a job, i use the SAHM thing as i really dont want to leave my DD in case something terrible happens. I cant allow myself any happiness because if i am happy i know it will go wrong, and i dont deserve it after all the pain i have caused. The reason i am writing this is to apologise to all of you, i've tried to offer support to others on here but im in no place to do so, making my advice and support hollow and worthless. So i am really really sorry for everything.