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Supporting DS

4 replies

steppingcarefully · 07/03/2020 02:10

I've been reading threads on here for the last couple of months since my DS (26) was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It has been very helpful, I now have a much better understanding of mental health. My DS is now on medication and beginning to feel more positive and is working towards getting back to normal. The reason for my post is about me and how I am feeling. Since the beginning my DS has spoken openly to me about how he's feeling for which I am very grateful. I realise I am extremely lucky he is willing to talk to me and allow me to support him. At the beginning I was absolutely heart broken that he was struggling, it took me a couple of weeks to be able to speak to anyone about it without breaking down in tears. The hardest thing for me is the fact that he lives alone and when he came to stay over Christmas he wanted to be back in his own home by himself. I was so upset that being here at home with us (myself, husband and sibling) was not making him happy. He has not wanted to come back since. I see a lot of him as I go to visit him and we walk and often have lunch. Sometimes we walk in silence, other times we chat and he tells me about how he's feeling and his plans etc. He says the reason he doesn't want to come home is because he needs to be in his own space which I do understand but it still hurts. I often feel guilty for thinking about my own needs more than his by wanting him to spend time with me and understand how I feel. I just sometimes feel drained as if I am giving so much and he doesn't make much effort. I know this is part of the depression but it just makes me feel so sad.

OP posts:
Mediumred · 07/03/2020 02:19

You sound a lovely mum but it’s like you want to scoop up your boy and bring him home where you can care for him full time like he was a child rather than a grown man. It’s probably a sign of him getting better that he is not so dependent that he needs that.

Maybe just try to follow his lead about what he wants and know that you are doing your best supporting your lovely son in his recovery, you really do sound like you have a lovely relationship, just try not to smother him too much.

Look after yourself too, maybe you could seek out a little help for yourself for how you are feeling. Best of luck.

steppingcarefully · 07/03/2020 02:30

Thank you for your reply. You're right, I do want to just be able to take care of him and make it all better. I realise he is an adult but it is so hard to let go. I am trying hard to not smother him and only doing what he asks. I don't try and push anything on him. I just have this overwhelming feeling of sadness sometimes and have considered that I should maybe talk to someone to help me deal with it. I have a very supportive husband and great friends but maybe need more professional help.

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Mediumred · 07/03/2020 02:40

Oh, it sounds so hard, of course you want to make it better for him, and he is getting better, but what do they say - ‘a mum can only be as happy as her least happy child’?

If he is sad and on his journey then you are on that with him and you are being so supportive. Please try to be kind to yourself and draw strength from your husband and friends and you have done so much supporting of your lovely boy, it’s not wrong to seek a little help yourself, maybe from a professional. X

steppingcarefully · 07/03/2020 11:33

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I had had a conversation with DS earlier yesterday evening in which I had been a bit upset by something he had said (although I didn't let him know I was upset). I dwelled on it throughout the evening and then couldn't sleep, hence why I was posting on here at 2.30am. This morning he messaged me and it has made me feel better. I know he doesn't do or say things to upset me and I'm trying hard to not dwell on things and let them bother me. It's all a learning curve and I'm sure in time I will become stronger at managing my feelings whilst still being able to support him as much as he needs me to. Thank you again.

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