I can't see a way out

[CannotGoOn]

I cannot see a way out.

courts have given my daughters dad residency - and given me weekend access. I've been marginalised for a weekend parent.
My daughter is devastated.

He's telling her I don't want her, I don't love her
He's alienating me. He has finally won with his control - he has beat me and broke me down

I can't go on

You can.
You can be there for her on contact days.
You can be there for the future.when she older she decides.
This is decision now it s not forever because she will need you when she grows up.
Call samaritans today talk it through

I've called them; everyone keeps saying to appeal the decision - apparently I can't appeal?

They've barred me from applying to court for 2 years. I've lost my daughter for 2 years - I'll be lucky if she even speaks to me once he's finished with her after them 2 years - he'll mess around with my time, not send her etc

I'm about to loose my home because of this as I'm unable to work due to being signed off sick and i can't afford the rent
My life is at rock bottom

It must be really hard.
Hope you can get local advice.
But hold onto those weekends . Your ddneeds you to be there.

Have you had any advice regarding this OP?

Have you contacted Rights of Women who offer free legal advice?

How about your local CABx?

There's an organisation called Rethink who can offer help and support for those with mental health issues.

If you are in crisis please either contact 111 or go to your local A&E. Make an emergency GP appointment and speak to a doctor.

There's also an organisation called Saneline who have a helpline from 4:30pm who offer specialist emotional support and guidance.

Please keep going OP, your daughter needs you.

@12345kbm I haven't contacted them, no. But I will try to

I did call the Samaritans this morning; my Gp doesn't seem concerned about me even though I've called them.
I'm trying to not cry In front of my Dd but I really do think I can do this. She's my whole world

Thank you

It's really, really hard to advocate for yourself when you're suffering from a mental health crisis. I think you should contact Rethink and get advice from them regarding your GP and how to move forward with that.

OP there is free legal help and representation available if you don't have the funds. Check this out for more info.

Shelter may be able to advise regarding your house but it sounds as though you need an advocate; someone to make those calls for you. That's why I suggest you contact the CABx.

Please go and speak to your council. They try to keep people in their homes whenever possible and if it's not the sooner you speak to them it means they can get things in place. Are you signed off sick with mental health or something else? If you have a diagnosis this will mean you should be classed as "vulnerable" so they will have a duty to house you.

You are not the resident parent but you are still her parent. You have two years of being the weekend parent ahead of you, yes, but you get to choose how active a part you play in that. I would recommend you try and get some counselling and whatever other support you can. Try to find a way to set aside your feelings and make that time as special as you can. Even if the moment your alone you can do nothing but cry, try and show her your best face.

Try writing it all down. Maybe write a letter for her for when she's older explaining your feelings (you can decide later whether you want to give it to her or not).

Keep the door open and your heart open to her always, even if she starts repeating the things he's said. Try not to sling any mud at him, though, because she doesn't need to be stuck in the middle.

Try and find a way to get through the time without her. Use this time to recover and get strong again. Take meds if you need to, find support groups, reach out to the world (don't shut yourself away). But be gentle with yourself too, it's ok to rest, it's ok to have moments of happiness, you don't have to be relentlessly fighting and in every family law office to prove you love her. Do what you can, but you need to live too.

There will be times you are so heartbroken you don't think you can get through a day without seeing her, but then you'll have contact time again. Even if he drops her late, and has told her your the devil, you'll get to see your child and have that time.

I know it's a cliche, but when you are at rock bottom the only way is up. It won't be easy, but you can get your life back together again. He has broken you now, but you can put yourself and your life back together again.

I'm signed off sick with anxiety and depression. They've told me to apply for ESA & PIP.
I will need to speak to the council I assume; it's just another thing I'm not sure I can deal with. All I do is cry when I say it out loud.
The solicitor has said the order states "she lives with both of us" but she's not sure if that means I can keep my home or not.
I am going to write her a letter & take a photo of it for her - so I can send it to her phone if i want too.
I have up points and down points - earlier I was at my wits end, now i think I'm in denial ..... I just don't know.

@CannotGoOn

For benefits somebody has to have primary residency. Only one person can claim.

I would seriously advice speaking to rights of women they are shit hot on this stuff though, and have helped me through a lot of issues.

Was your ex very emotionally abusive?

@AnotherMurkyDay

I will speak to them; I'll try tomorrow. I just feel totally overwhelmed and unable to process anything

Yes, he was emotionally abusive, financially, physically violent and controlling

I would recommend speaking to your local domestic violence services, women's aid, and doing the freedom programme. You are not the first to go through this.

I made an appointment to go to the council tomorrow and explain what's happened to them. I think I am homeless from next month as I can not afford the rent here; I can't go to my parents as there's no space - which means I now can't have my daughter for visitation as the SW who done a report for court said I need stable, safe accommodation without strangers in.

I've spent the weekend crying. I haven't slept longer than 3 hours and I'm not eating.

I've failed my daughter.
I was driving today and started thinking what if I just drove into the tree ....

Her dad keeps messaging me; he's cutting me out of her life already. He's taken away her phone that she uses to contact me. He's changing her doctors. He's put a claim in for all the benefits. He's put his new partner down as her emergency contact at school

OP I really wish you would make an appointment with the CABx who can advocate on your behalf with the council. Another organisation is Shelter. (Details above)

Rights of Women: 020 7251 6577 Tues – Thurs 7pm – 9pm

Please give them a call OP. They're busy so keep pressing redial until you get through.