Stop waiting for someone to save you?

[PinkGinAndTacos]

I've made it clear to the closest people around me that I'm really struggling. I think they think they've heard it all before.
I feel swamped and overwhelmed by everything that is expected of me. I spend my life struggling from one day to the next never really living.
Has anyone got to the point where they have summoned up the strength to save themself? I thought people would help me out of this pit but really it's an inconvenience to them and they aren't interested. I really want things to be better but dont know if I have the strength to make the changes.

Hi. You're having a bad night too.

Yep. Suffer from bad anxiety. My son is at a sleepover. I hate him being away from me. Dd is next to me snoring which helps but I'm wide awake.
Just feel overwhelmed. I would really like a normal, simple life. The constant battle is exhausting.

I think I get it. When things are low all we want is to be able to say "okay, I can do this" and climb back out, but it's hard, and it's even harder when people around don't understand what being in that dark hole feels like.

I once tried to explain to my boss what feeling unwell felt like, and she said 'but you just have to change the way you think. It's your perception that's wrong' and I was so frustrated that I wanted to cry.

I think you have to be prepared to always be the one saving yourself. If other ppl can help out then great, but never expect it.

If you are struggling with things like stress on a regular basis then that might mean you need to make big changes in your life. Eg: find a new job.

Managing your mental health should always come first wherever possible. Take one-time whenever you can.

Also very important to remove toxic people from your life. Just because someone is always there does not mean that they are 'there for you'. Never make the mistake of thinking people who have consistently been unreliable or uninterested in you or your feelings will suddenly sort their shit out. Revove them from your life so that you arent tempted to rely on them.

My mantra is "some people have no idea" because they don't. They have no idea how hard it is to do the simplest of tasks somedays or how hard it is to live with a brain that constantly thinks of suicide- I dont want to kill myself but I think about it a lot. I'm lucky that I can control thatbutits awful to live with.

Panda I'd love to drop my hours at work but I cant afford to. I think I have too much on my plate but I dont feel able to drop any of it

Do you have OCD op?
Are you seeing someone about anxiety ect?
I would consult my doc about maybe taking a level anti depressant or something.

*low level

Could you start looking for ways to cut back on spending so that you could afford to?
Or take other practical steps? Eg: if you have a home worth a few hundred thousand could you sell n buy somewhere cheaper and bank the savings for spending. Or rent somewhere cheaper? Or get a lodger?

I'm on propranolol for the anxiety. Nothing else is diagnosed. Waiting for counselling.....I'm on month 6 now of my wait. I've been on a few anti depressants in the past and they made me really ill so im scared to go back on them.

My Bill's are as low as they can get and we cant move......tied into my house for the next few years. I'm a single mum so only have my income. Been looking for promotions at work so I can drop my hours but they are scarce at the mo.

How are you this morning?

Ok I guess. I still have that overwhelming feeling of meh but I am just trying to get on with the day.
My house is an utter tip so my focus is sorting that out. I'm a good way through upstairs and can continue with downstairs once the kids are in bed tonight.
I'm going to sit down with a coffee later and try and write down all the things that are stressing me most and try and find workable solutions to them. For now it's getting on top of my shit hole house.

I got my kids room done but have ended up retreating to my bed again.......feels safe and warm here. I feel stupid.

I've found today really hard but I've managed to get quite a bit of cleaning done and that in turn makes my head feel a bit better.
I haven't got everything I wanted to do but that would have been a pretty mean feat on my own......no one else in the house has really helped so I'm giving myself a pat on the back.

I'm impressed to be honest that you've managed all that! At my worst I would never have summoned the motivation to tidy up so well done for forcing yourself. You're right, it helps mentally to be able to tick off an accomplishment. Sounds silly but have you got a written list of all the small things that need doing? Just because each time you check one off it increases the feeling of achievement. Sorry you're feeling meh, it sucks.

Good, that is something to be proud of.

I've spent my life trying to save myself because I don't have anyone to hope to save me so why wish for it, and you're doing way better than me.

Have you got a diary or somewhere you can write down today's achievement and how it made you feel? Might be nice to have it recorded somewhere - both to look back on and add to.

Also, I don't think it's stupid to retreat somewhere that feels safe for a break if it's all a bit overwhelming, especially if on the whole you're making progress. Better than pushing yourself so hard you break and don't get as much done.

I'm giving you a pat on the back too, OP!
I think you've done a great job to get something productive done today, and for congratulating yourself for it.
To answer your original question - it's hard, isn't it. It's so tempting to think that someone else can fix it. In truth there might be various people who help in different ways - the person who wrote a book that helps you look at things differently, your kids for reminding you when you look at them what a great job you're doing of bringing them up solo, a friend for being there for a cuppa.

Have you tried the Feeling Good Handbook? It's a big chunky book and if you use a kindle or similar you might want the e-version. It comes with lots of exercises that you can work through.

One of the exercises my psychotherapist got me to do was imagine an Unconditional Comforter - and what they would say to me. When I'm writing down what I'm sad or worried about sometimes it's helpful to think about how they might respond to me.

Good luck, hang in there, you're doing a much better job than you think you are.

Thanks for the suggestions. Will defo write it down as an accomplishment and look at the book mentioned.

I felt like nothing else could get done whilst my house was such a mess. It makes my brain hurt when I sit and look at it all and I cant think straight. I have so many other things that need to change in life but the chaos in my head and the house always stops them from happening. I still have a long way to go. I'm going to finish my room tonight and get clean sheets on the bed then I need to get the stuff I sorted out of the house next. I hope I can keep the momentum going......my brain is so quick to take over and tell me I'm.a failure and it all comes crashing down again. I hate living like this. Dd is in the bath so thsts another positive. Put some glow sticks in and she loves it - it can be quite a challenge getting her into the bath!