Feeling so fed up

[FoneFace]

I'm 26 and a single mum to 2 energetic boys. I love them to bits but they wear me out, they never go to sleep before 10pm no matter how many "super nanny" tactics I try, they just don't get tired.

We live in a small council house and its a complete mess, we need a new hallway carpet as this one is litrally just like a blue rag that has been thrown across the floor...when I hoover it all gets pulled up into the hoover. The kitchen cupboard doors are all falling off and look a mess, our oven needs replacing desperately, its old, minging, the door is falling off and the grill no longer works but I'll never have the money to replace it.

I can't get a job, I've tried everywhere, been to college, worked voluntarily...still can't find work.

I'm stuck with a partner that I know is not for me...as I have no friends I stay with him for the company but he drives me nuts. I feel I may as well be single because all "important" times I'm stuck on my own. He's not coming here at christmas for instance so like last year, I'll be stuck on my own christmas again.

I go into town and I see all these couples lovey dopey with each other. Go to the park and see dads kicking a ball around with their sons. My friend tells me about the bunches of flowers her husband brings home for her, the times they get a takeaway and sit down to watch a film...I get none of that.

I've tried dating agencies to find a man I actually like but I always chicken out, how can I expect someone else to like me when I don't like myself?

I'm losing all motivation. I'm supposed to be doing an OU course in october but Im starting to wonder what the point is, I still wont have a job at the end of it because I have no experience.

My passion is to travel but I never have any money, I cant get money because I cant get a job.

I'm just feeling a bit fed up I suppose, why is it that everyone else seems to find their perfect partner whilst I sit here watching crap tv on my own night after night?

Foneface

If you are on benefits you can get a no-interest budgeting loan, which they will take straight out of your IS at a low rate to repay it. You should be able to get a cooker with that.

the OU course will give you experience, but believe me I have total empathy with you - it seems as soon as I really needed a job, my circumstances were such that I can't get one!

Loads of people don't have a Ken to match Barbie, you are not the only one, but when you are alone, you tend to focus on those that do.

how old are your boys? Old enough for a dvd player in their rooms? Young enough for a stairgate? Is the problem that one is always keeping the other awake, could you stagger their bedtimes (the only thing that works with my boys!)

Thanks for the reply I have considered the social loans but I have a phobia of debt

My boys are 8 and 6, they used to have a playstation in my eldests room and that would keep them quiet but it broke. Now my eldest sits on the pc for as long as I let him and the house remains peaceful during this time but as soon as I tell him to turn it off he immediately starts to wind up his brother and cause mayhem as if to tell me it would be in my interest to leave him on the pc.

Foneface I also have a fear of debt as my boy's dad was a Major Spender, and debted us nearly out of our house by not paying the rent!.

However, the Social loans can't spiral out of control the way bank or company loans can, as the social don't charge interest and won't give you more than you can afford to pay back. They are the only loan I would consider if I ever needed one.

With your boys, how about putting your youngest to bed on his own, an hour earlier than his brother? It will give himtime to get settles, you can then threaten the older with Dire Consequences if he wakes his brother, and in that hour you can give him some time with you or on the pc?

Im not on my own looking after my son ,but I think you are doing amazingly. Dont look back ,look forwards and find the inner strength which all us Mums have to create a better life.
Im not sure why you cant get a job, it it the area you live in. What jobs have you been going for? if you have been doing some voluntary work in schools for instance you could move up to doing some P/t work in the local school as a teaching assistant or support worker/midday supervisor. Dont give up , you can do it. As soon as we start to become negative and believe the whole world is against us the more negative energy surrounds us and becomes a spiral in which we feel helpless to do anything about it. Look at your sons, you created them and they are wonderful. If you like travelling take yourself or/and the boys on an adventure for the day , catch a bus or drive somewhere youve never been before.
take a packed lunch and enjoy it.