Psychotic husband- how do I hold it together?

[olith]

My DH had a psychotic break about a year ago (work stress), I've been caring for him on my own while raising our two children and the usual housekeeping, bills etc...
I've not had an outlet for my stress during all this time and he's just been given more meds because he's really bad atm and feeling suicidal. I'm trying g to keep everything as normal as possible for the children and hiding my emotions because if DH sees I'm stressed he'll feel guilty. I just want to cry, scream, not have to put up with any of it sometimes. I have zero support from my mum or other family, no friends to turn to, they don't really bother with me any more. How am I supposed to take all this on without breaking???
I'll do anything for my DH, but I feel like I need a little help too, I hope that doesn't make me seem selfish

I've been there and I ranted at my mother and she took him to talks about depression etc.

It's hard. They just sit there. Unimpressed with the world lol.

I think what you should do is live your live as if he was well.

Oh lovely, you don’t sound selfish at all, just a wife trying to keep your family together.
How old are your children? Do you have anything like a gym Bearby with a free crèche to get some time to yourself? Would you consider seeing a counsellor?

I’m assuming DH is seeking help?

Because you are your DHs carer, the CMHT that he is under should do a carer assessment and offer you a counsellor for yourself that you can access whenever you need. At least that is what my husband had to support him in caring for me when we lived in the U.K. and I was under a CMHT.

My boys are 12 and 5. Older son notices when things are hard and I'm trying so hard to not show anything as I don't want him worrying. I am my husbands carer and I have to be with him 24/7, he doesn't want to be with anyone else. Support team are there incase I need to phone them, but they're there for his needs only. I've not been offered any help. There's a nurse at my doctors that DH sees for his problems, I'm thinking I might call her and see if I can just go through my concerns with her? Didn't think of it til just now.
Thank you for your replies, I'm in tears already just knowing I've been heard

You might not have thought about them but this is the kind of situation where the Samaritans would be more than happy for you to call. You need an outlet to talk about how this is affecting you emotionally. They are free to call on 116 123.

You can access IAPT Healthy Minds and self refer for free.

It is so hard.

Eventually I left. I couldn't cope with the things that went on during the worst periods and the absence of any relationship feelings from him to me.

you are a carer so you could access carer support in your local authority area, you could have a carers assessment as well. I know you have to be with your DH 24/7 but they may be able to put you in touch with someone to talk to?

Well, you should be able to show some emotion. Wearing a mask can make children worry more when they know something is wrong.

Do talk to the nurse and ask for a career assessment and support. Read through this web page too for other things available to you.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/support-and-benefits-for-carers/

The local CMHT even gave my DH a few hundred pounds to do a day out with our kids while I was at a day Center. There is help for you. Caring is very very stressful. Most stressful because it’s someone you love dearly.

*carer assessment, not career. (Autocorrect)

I work in a CMHT. You are definitely entitled to a carers assessment as others have said. These are usually the duty of your local authority to provide under the care act and accessed either through the CMHT or adult care / social services. Please speak to the nurse who should be able to refer you or if she can't, phone your local social services. Our carers lead sees people at home if you're worried about leaving him and like others have said there can be carers budgets that may be available for support. Don't struggle alone, it's a terribly stressful thing you're going through and not selfish to need help at all, I have nothing but admiration for the carers I meet. I hope things improve for you and your husband.

I've got the home team coming tomorrow to check on DH, I've been up since 5.30 and I'm so tired. He's a bit better today but I know come this evening he's going to start going downhill. Got both boys to stay with their nans so they're not going to see what's going on, one less thing to worry about. I just hope I can put up with the stress, I'm sitting my driving test Monday too and there's pressure to pass because then I can drive our car to make things easier for him. They won't take him to the psych ward despite feeling suicidal so today is just about getting through it all. Thank you all so much for your help and advice xx

You can get through this. Definitely demand the support and help you need. No one can keep juggling everything by themselves. Best wishes

I don't really know what advice to give but I'd recommend counselling for yourself. It might help to talk about it and to process it all. It's an enormous thing for you to deal with and it's not surprising you are feeling overwhelmed. I know you just have to muddle a long but don't underestimate what a shit show it is. You sound like an amazing Mum and partner though. I really hope things improve for all of you💐💐

Also, can you get your Nan to look after the boys more regularly?

@WhatHappenedThen
Thank you for that lovely comment xx

The home team have taken him to the hospital psych ward. He's going to stay there for an assessment. I'm feeling relieved now as the worry has caused chest pains and I've been a right mess!
Hopefully things will get better now, I'm not sure if this is what things will be like now ( in and out of hospital) and I'm not sure how to get by if this is a permanent situation, but I'm going to see someone tomorrow to get extra help. Feeling a bit more capable.
Thank you again to you all for your help xx

Very best luck tomorrow with your driving test OP. I'll have fingers and toes crossed for you.

Good luck with your driving test. I hope your husband gets the care he needs.

It is so difficult caring for a DH with psychosis. I did it for 20 years, 3 DC, and separated recently when he became ill again after coming off his meds without telling me (again).

I really hope you can access effective support. But please remember your own needs. It's incredibly hard, and in my case it took me a long time to recognise that by staying I was perpetuating abusive behaviour from my DH (not managing his illness).

All my sympathy, and very best wishes OP.

That's good to hear he is being assessed in hospital. Hopefully they can come up with some positive plan of action.

Failed my driving test
Not surprising really with so much going on, never mind.
Great advice and kind words again from all of you, thank you xx

Here's some info you might find helpful. NHS Social Care and Support Guide

CABx information on Carers: help and support.

Carers Direct has a helpline 0300 123 1053 which you can call with any questions you have on your caring role. (Mon-Fri 9am-8pm; Sat and Sun 11am-4pm)

There's also an organisation called Carers UK which has a helpline as well for advice, information and support.

You can also contact Mind for information and help. Saneline has a helpline from 4:30pm run by people who can also offer support and advice.

Sorry about your driving test. I was wondering if the fact you must have been so distracted might actually have helped you.

@SinnyLou can you help me please?
There's a member of staff at the psych ward that I'd like to complain about. He's a trained mental health nurse but he's been very intimidating towards me when trying to talk about my dh's meds. His behaviour is unacceptable, Who do I contact about this?

You contact he complaints service PALS which you can find on google.
Also if your husband is detained under the mental heAlth act he is entitled to a mental health advocate- this is run by different services depending on your area so probably another one to google I'm afraid z

@PurpleFrames thank you