To those of you who had depression and/or anxiety or just really struggled with life in their 20s/30s

[Nutellasandwiches]

Are you happier now? Has it gone? Do you enjoy life now? I read threads on here about people being happy, grateful for their lives and families, so much to 'look forward to', how struggles are 'better than the alternative'. I cannot relate at all. I think I need some hope.

Counselling.....it was the only thing that helped me to realise what my issues were and where they stemmed from. I was able to learn about who I am as a person and what I really want out of life.
Without it I think I would be stuck in the same dark hole I'd been in for years.
It may seem expensive but it's the best investment into your health you can get and self care is so important.

Social media also doesn't help....taking a step back from it often makes a huge difference to my mindset.

To add...on the happiness front. I'm starting to understand that to be happy you don't have to feel extatic every day or live this amazing life. It's about recognising the little things and being in tune with what you're feeling at the time.
Writing a grateful journal can be really helpful, even if it's just the tiniest thing e.g. I was grateful for leaving work and it was still light outside, or I had a much needed cup of tea

I struggled greatly between about 18-23.

I had one last change of antidepressants that made just enough of a difference that I realised I needed to make a bigger effort to put myself first. I started exercising regularly, meditating daily, reduced my alcohol intake, gave up smoking and changed my diet. Now in my 30s I'm so much better. I still get anxious sometimes but I'm more able to take a step back and use the rational part of my mind.

I don't believe that mental health problems can be cured by 'being healthier', but I'm certain those choices I made (and continue to make) help me keep on top of mine.

When you're in the fog of depression and anxiety it's so difficult to see past that and visualise yourself feeling happy in the future. If you're on any medication maybe it's time to go and see your doctor and discuss changing the dosage / type?

Also, what @fromcitytocountry said about happiness is absolutely spot on.

Oh god yes. Really struggled. Am now I’m my forties and suffer very very little. Combination of good counselling, actively looking after my mental health (doing lots of things I enjoy and seeing friends and family) and taking low dose duloxetine until I die!

Yes I feel very different at 43 and it started towards the end of my 30s.

Experience, Confidence, wider understanding of many issues plus effective counselling and support groups have helped.

Mumsnet definitely has been a part of it too.

I’ve had anxiety since my early teens. I’m 23 now. It’s manageable now, which does make me happier. I feel more free.

I used to feel trapped by my own worry, it would stop me dead in my tracks and I wouldn’t leave the house. I had therapy and just learning about how it does actually physically affect you put me at ease. I had so much ‘it’s all in your head’ ‘you’re worrying over nothing’ type rubbish from people who don’t understand that it was calming knowing that actually my body is physically reacting that way, it’s not just mind over matter at all.

I had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was convinced I would get post natal depression. No sign of it yet thank god, but my anxiety has got a little bit bad again. I find myself worrying about my health and if anything were to happen to me I would miss out on watching her grow. It’s horrendous to think about but my mind won’t let me not think about it!

It does get better. I am much happier now despite the increase of anxiety after birth. But generally I am much happier, able to go more places and do more things.

The only thing that stands out to me now is my agoraphobia. I have to sit on the end at the cinema or out for a meal. Or sit somewhere where I can easily get out. I need to know exactly where exits are when I go anywhere, I don’t like being in rooms with closed doors. I need to know exactly where toilets are, services if going on long journeys, I count down the miles until the next services on road trips, even if we don’t stop there.
I think that’s one part of my mental health I’ll never get over, because I think it sort of aids my anxiety.

I don't really want to return to counselling. Had it twice. It made me feel pathetic. I was convinced each time they secretly thought I was another young snowflake who couldn't cope.

I had a serious episode of depression at 22 and then again at 27 and 31. All three times I felt suicidal and probably would have been sectioned if I hadn't lied to doctors etc. I had medication and counseling after the last episode and it definitely helped. There's been a lot of ups and downs including 2 traumatic bereavements when I was 39. I had a block of cbt for anxiety and went back on medication again 5 years ago following these.

I am now 45 and can honestly say I'm the happiest and calmest I've been since I was about 8! I understand myself more and can nip things in the bud before they build up.

It can be a long road but things can always change for the better I promise you.

It sounds like you had the wrong counsellor - the last thing they should do is judge you or make you feel judged. I’m really sorry they made you feel that way 💐
I also struggled in my teens and 20s with confidence and mental health, and ‘making do’ with people and situations that didn’t help me and not really feeling I had much control. It was only in my 30s that I felt freer to be myself, was more established in my career and had met DH. I found counselling very helpful but also having more life experience and learning to be clear about my boundaries definitely helped. I’m still learning to give less of a shit about what people might think though!

You need a better councillor

Counselling can help but in my opinion it isn’t the panacea it’s made out to be on here.

What do you think is causing you to feel depressed, OP?

How did you find a good therapist. I’m in my 40s and following a (wanted) divorce, am more depressed than ever.
It is because of a complete lack of self worth and I need to address it or I will never be happy.
Also it makes me sound like a horrible whining little bitch. I so fed up with feeling this low.
I know why. I know what has made me like this. I just don’t know how to stop the script that runs in my head “I’m stupid. I’m ugly. I’m fat. I’m worthless”. Etc etc

I've been much better since around the time I turned 30. Having my partner and 2 kids keeps me busy, and a change of job made a huge difference. I have also just accepted I'm going to be on antidepressants forever and I don't feel bad about that anymore.

I don't know if it counts as counselling but I've had CBT a few times. It was a bit helpful but not enough to manage without medication. Everyone is different though x

I had my first panic attack and anxiety in my 20s, had them really bad in my 30s, it was mainly around work but it seeped into my personal life. I still continued to do the things that made me anxious and the things I knew would trigger my panic attacks, however now I'm in my late 40s that seems to have paid off as its manageable now and my anxiety has, for the most part gone, and I can manage my panic attacks, know what triggers them and prepare.

If you had asked this 18 months ago, I would have told that I was depressed as a child (not diagnosed because childhood depression wasn't really considered in the 80s/ 90s) and teenager and at university. Was self-harming, took an overdose at uni, had counselling, tried anti-depressants briefly but they didn't work, got better possibly partly because of the change of life after uni (getting a job, getting married, not living with my parents). I would have said that now in my mid 30s things were all ok despite a stressful job and 2 DC.
However, just over a year ago, things started falling apart again. It has taken most of that time for me to accept it, talk to anyone about it, consider asking for help. I don't know what is wrong with me now, but I know I am not depressed because it doesn't feel like depression did, maybe this is stress and/ or anxiety, maybe work-related. I still enjoy life much of the time and am grateful for my family etc, but am completely overwhelmed and an emotional wreck too much of the time and have gradually come to accept that no I am not ok and need to do something about that.

I am unhappy at work so that's a big factor. I dislike myself as a person and find it hard to accept my personality. I am defensive and distrusting so have been single for a few years (I actually enjoy a lot of single life but miss the physical side) and have been told I give off a 'back off' vibe in friendships and dating.

I struggle with ocd and worry a lot about what could go wrong (checking locked doors, taps etc). I dont like to talk about how I feel because I always feel worse and like I have burdened the other person because who wants to hear someone talk about how low they feel. So I say I'm fine.

Without meaning to be triggering, I totally get why people end their lives.

I'm sorry to hear others are struggling. It is comforting and saddening at the same time.

Sorry to say mine has got worse. It seemed to get better in late 30’s.

But the peri menopause and actual menopause have made me much much worse. Particularly anxiety. Feel worried and scared most of the time. Don’t recognise the girl and young woman I used to be😕

I have serious long term MH issues as does the sister of one of my friends. I’m ill because of the severe abuse I suffered as a child and young woman. My friends sister had by her own admittance a great childhood and no actual reason that she knew of to be someone who has MH issues. No amount of counselling would have helped her because as she said she had no tangible reason to be the way she was. She is on meds and doing really quite well now. I was on meds for years but have now had a huge amount of psychotherapy, coming up to four years. I’m unfortunately in a period of being unwell having come in to contact with one of my abusers. What I’m trying to articulate here is treatment and helps effectiveness varies from person to person. I know why I have OCD it’s a fear of contamination and really it’s because as a child and young woman my body was never safe from the men that sexually abused me.

I’m not asking you to reveal why you think you have OCD but were you totally honest with your counsellor because many people either don’t click with their counsellor so are just not comfortable enough or are too scared to reveal why they are the way they are to even themselves.

Hello, @Nutellasandwiches and we're really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this thread to the Mental Health topic now.

I also suffer from serious MH problems and have all my life, I feel I actually am getting worse as I get older, in fact my 20's were probably when my MH was at its best. I'm 39 now and am feeling at my worst, I think I might be going through menopause too which is making my depression worse.
I am also defensive and trust nobody.
Also this: I find myself worrying about my health and if anything were to happen to me I would miss out on watching her grow
And this is me too: The only thing that stands out to me now is my agoraphobia. I have to sit on the end at the cinema or out for a meal. Or sit somewhere where I can easily get out. I need to know exactly where exits are when I go anywhere

I think my ocd is caused by an innate fear of not being able to cope with the consequences. E.g. when I was a teenager, I remember I regularly checked my school bag for my possessions. "I must ensure I don't lose my key otherwise someone could break in, my Mum would never forgive me, it would be all my fault etc etc." Now its "I must ensure my house is safe, if anything happens I won't cope nor forgive myself." I know it sounds extremely irrational and drama llama-like but it feels very real.

I was very honest with my counsellors. Both were lovely. Objectively I don't think they were judging me. But I told myself they were. I also look at my life and think people have it so much worse, why are you being such a snowflake. So I also judge myself.