Dad problems

[helpingmyself]

I really don't know where to begin I'll try make it short ! My 74 year old dad has had mental health issues all his life .. I have just found this out lately .. my mum passed suddenly 12 years ago .. he moved on v quickly re married to a lady who iv become v close to .. he has treated her terribly puts all her family down like they are the devil .. wanted her to be there all the time for him not help her family out ( she is like a mother to her brothers & sisters ) he's so mean he's always played the victim everyone in the world is awful no one is right expect him ... ruined Xmas many times by slamming doors telling her son to go , upsetting everyone .. that's just the tip of the iceberg .. he went through cancer coming out other side she was his rock and her family was there to . Now things have got so bad that her health has taken a turn for the worst ( my dad blames her family saying they ask her to do to much ) she has always been that way he knew that since the day they meet .. anyway she reached breaking point said they had to go to marriage guidance.. they went and the psychologist took my step mum aside and said he could not help as he suspects my dad has a borderline personality disorder and other problems. He would advise strongly he sees a psychiatrist ASAP . My dad refused point blank says nothing wrong with him . He blames everything on everyone else wont listen can't take anyone's else's point of view . He has zero empathy for others always been like that but I thought he was just a bit selfish it's far worse .. now she is leaving him selling house and my dad has no one expect me .. no friends no family as he's always been a loner . My step mum wants me to be there for him and her I'm finding it so hard as I'm a single parent working full time . He's my dad brought me up but he's also got so many issues and will not get help I just don't know what to do anymore :-(

Both my parents have a mental health disorder - my mum has bpd. She stole 26 years worth of my confidence, unconditional love and support. I was always there for her and she stabbed me in the back, lied to me, blamed everyone and the whole world for her problems you name it, she did it. Maternal narcissism. One minute she'd be nice the next ...awful. Tears everyone down, very bitter and lonely woman. The only advice I can offer you is a hard one to swallow. You need to set boundaries. Or avoid the negativity entirely (cut him out of your life). I feel sorry for his partner I really do, you've tried talking to her about all his behaviour I assume? What does she say about it all? Does she even realize she's being treated that way?

Hope you're able to resolve it! It's done me a world of good cutting my mother out of my life. I'm finally free :)

Thank u got the message , I'm so sorry abt ur mum .. she really does sound like my dad one min nice then nasty the next .. yes I have spoken to her on many occasions abt him she knows what he's like .. she now says she could cope when he was nice she really loved & cared for him .. but now his behaviour is affecting her health so I totally support her wanting away to enjoy the rest of her life .. it's just so sad as my dad was a pretty ok father growing up with all his problems well hidden .. he always has been a bit odd but now I can see so many traits of serious mental illness .. I don't like being around him as he makes no sense think he has Alzheimer's to to add into the mix ! Not easy all this but I need to try & step away as my brother has done ( he said for years my dad isn't right , I always stuck up for him now I know he was right :-(

Can I ask did ur mum know she had bpd ? My dad thinks he is fine it's everyone else that's got the problem!!

Without her knowing, I had someone give me an informal diagnosis...I knew a mental health nurse years ago. and I asked her to visit her with me and she said she was displaying all the symptoms of someone suffering with bpd and depression. She has alienated most of her friends, family etc they all say she acts terribly Infront of us (me and my brother). She will deny anything she has done. I've tried to get mum to see what she is doing but she completely insists she's right and everyone else is wrong! She drives me insane with it. I've had to set boundaries and it has worked sort of....

I can't say I know what you're going through but from what you're saying I can very much relate! The most important thing in your life is your child/children and your values! You must protect that at all costs. It's never easy with family, knowing what the best thing to do is etc I know my mum thinks I'm the villain for moving out and starting a family of my own, it's like she's lost control over me and hates the choices I've made. No matter what I do she'll never be happy. Sorry for the rant!

Thank u for that .. my dad is on tablets for depression has been for years .. but he decided he knows better than doc and up & down doses as he feels ! .. yeah get that abt ur mum thinking ur the villain my dad does that one min I’m the good one next I’m all bad because I try to question him .. vise versa for my brother ! I will have to distance myself as it’s just to much .. he will never get help or ask for help think he will be in some flat on his own v soon with no one around .. my step mum says he’s always liked to be in control now he’s lost control and he’s got so much more worse ., I have tried for years to help him but to no avail .. need to think abt me my son and life that’s hard as I’m to soft lol .. but it’s good to know I’m not the only one going through this all .. not that I want it other people to have this to deal with !!