Considering Therapy

[DaveD8]

Hi all,

It's my first post. I've been watching from the sidelines.

When/why did you decide you should go to therapy, and how did you find the right therapist for you?

Thank you!

I realised I'd been struggling on, making excuses for why I was so low for years and was basically just going from breakdown to breakdown because I have no resilience left.

As for finding a therapist, first decide how much you can afford to spend and how often. I decided a limit of 50 a week. Absolutely no more or it would just be one more thing to worry about.

Then use a site like the counselling directory, BACP or the like. Make sure you stay there as you want one who is registered. Use the filters to find someone with experience of your problem for example Depression. Decide how far you're willing to travel as that will filter it further. Do you want a man or a woman? Does it matter? If so, will you get more out of sessions with someone who pushes you out of your comfort zone or will it hinder you at this stage? I see a man as I struggle with an intense distrust of other women. At some point I think it will be good for me to work with a female but at this early stage theres no point forcing myself into a situation where I don't feel safe. After you've narrowed your filters down as much as possible go with profiles and photos. I looked at their pictures first and them read their profile statements and their website if they had one. A couple I liked their faces but they sounded a bit full of themselves or just a bit of a knob. Eventually I had it down to 4 so I called them. 2 didn't return my call so screw them. I'm not chasing someone to work with me. The other 2 I met. One was a bit pushy and I could feel myself clamming up as he tried to mansplain my problems to me. The other was a bit abrupt on the phone but I think I must have caught him at a bad time as he quickly recovered and set up an initial meeting. First sessions are uncomfortable and awkward no matter how nice the therapist but I felt safe enough, he was non threatening, soft spoken and seemed easygoing. He was happy to work with me so we booked a regular time and I'm making some progress with him.

Thank you for the thorough response @nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyeshut.

Is it always this trial and error approach? Have you ever used a matching agent to get the right therapist?

I got referred by my gp. We get it free where I am. I had no choice and the guy they gave me I didn’t gel with. So I went to a local charity instead and that was great.

Sorry it ended up super long. I've never used a matching agent but I'd imagine it would be the same as filtering search results. It would find you a match on paper but whether you click with them is down to personality. My first therapist was utterly unqualified when it came to dealing with sexual trauma. He was very new to the game and found me someone with experience in the area but he cared; he really really cared which made him very easy to trust and easily made up for his lack of experience.