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Counselling - is it worth it?

5 replies

OhNoNotMonday · 27/02/2020 11:20

i am considering going private for counselling but not sure if it is really worthwhile or even if I really need it or just need to get a grip.

in the last 16 months i lost my mom very suddenly, my step daughter got pregnant, my husband had a terrible car accident and we moved house whilst he was still in recovery.

Husband suffered severe anxiety and had to get solicitors involved as they were refusing to allow him to resign (as in literally confirmed in writing that they would not accept his resignation) - this took 3 months to sort and him being of work unpaid.

Major building work on new house, took months.

My sister got married (should have happened 3 weeks after we lost mom but delayed for obvious reasons).

Dec my step daughter had baby, he is very poorly born HIE grade 2 and has significant brain damage. Her mom kicked off at hospital and was so vile that she got banned. Step daughter is really struggling an is so dependent on me to help (does have god partner but she is only 19 and baby has very complex care needs).

We spent weeks at hospital in another city then transferred to another). Her moms behaviour is so out of control that 15 yo SS has also moved in with us.

DN had baby 10 weeks early and had already lost 1 baby so terrifying but luckily he is ok and doing well.

DH's mom (has had terrible decisions constantly getting into debt, never given shit about Dh or his kids as she was married to a man with daughters and she has always wanted a girl, until she left him 3 years ago because she had got into so much debt and spent both of there inheritance and lied to him) was so vile to us when she came to stay in december because we wouldn't celebrate Christmas (told we might lose DGS) ended up going home in a mood.

Back again now and found out yesterday that she was planning on leaving current bloke who she got with weeks after splitting up with her h, because some random of the internet contacted her and she fell for him and sent him 7K - guess what, he fucked off with her money and now we are expected to pick up those pieces as well.

I just don't know how much crazy i can take in my life, I part own and run a Sme business as well and it is struggling because I am spread too thin, this is peoples lives and mortgages I am impacting on.

I feel like I a drowning but not sure what to do to separate out how I am meant to feel, don't know if this is just life and I know everyone has shit to deal with so how can a counselor fix it anyway???

Would they just tell me to stop helping DSD - that won't work.

Just feel like its not going to take much to push me over the edge and feel like I am in constant state of high alert. Every time my phone goes i know its going to be because Dsd needs me or DgC had a seizure or some abuse of their mom about dSS or DSd or drama about something else.

Worried sick that Dh's mom is planning on killing herself at my house for DSS to walk in to because that is the type of thing she could well do - made several attempts around other people and self harmed but shown grandkids before - I just don't want to go home anymore.

Sorry all sounds really selfish and that I don't care about my family and turning it into it being all about me.

OP posts:
Woollycardi · 27/02/2020 17:53

That's a lot of stuff you have there. No, a counsellor won't 'fix it' for you, but they will give you space if you would like to work through your own, very valid, feelings.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 27/02/2020 17:56

Wow you've got a lot of very traumatic events right there. A counselor will at the least give you space to offload.

turtletum · 27/02/2020 18:05

A counsellor would help you process your feelings so you can build a positive strategy to cope. It sounds like you have lots to deal with and are putting yourself last.

It won't be a quick fix, and might take time to find a counsellor you connect with. I have had both counselling and CBT in the past, and found both helpful.

Most areas have a NHS talking therapy that you can access for free over the phone. In my area it is called time to talk. They provide an initial consultation where you outline your problems and they then suggest possible treatments. I found it supportive and non judgemental, they won't boss you around into doing things you don't want to.

HPFA · 28/02/2020 21:42

Counselling can be really helpful - it is really nice to talk to someone who is actually being paid to hear about YOU - not having to feel guilty about upsetting your family and friends.

You are quite right when you say they won't be able to fix everything for you - really they're there to help you clarify your feelings and find a way forward. No counsellor would say "stop helping your step daughter" but they might help you find a balance between being supportive and not burning yourself out.

Candlecandle · 28/02/2020 21:54

I would definitely recommend counselling, you REALLY need some support with all that's happening. I have found it life changing. If you can I really would. (I'd recommend searching for BACP registered ones in your area.) Really hope things get easier, this is all way too much Thanks

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