Hello everyone
I will start with a back story. Over the last 36 months there’s been a series of events; I was bullied in my job but was fortunate to move to another position within the same company. This was a new area so I worked every night for months to learn my area and networked like crazy to develop an okay reputation. It was a new team and I was there from start up. The team is dysfunctional with a lot of high maintenance characters and I am responsible for a team and difficult projects. I also feel a total fraud as I’ve taught myself in my area and don’t feel good enough and I feel stuck. Then last year one of parents died suddenly, with quite a aggressive death. Involving me having to make decision to switch off life support etc.
So here I am now, a bit of a shell. I keep thinking I’m having a break down and hold back tears and negative thoughts a lot the time. I feel extremely insecure and worry that I will lose my job/house/friends....etc etc.
I don’t want to carry on like this, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go on medication, I want to build back some of my strength and positivity. Up until above events I was always someone who had a cup half full, a friend commented yesterday that they were worried because I was talking in such a negative way and that didn’t seem like me. I don’t feel like me.
The complex thing is that on surface I’m functioning as normal, but feel depleted, scared and tired. Please, can anyone offer any tips or advice? Will this ever pass? Thank you so much to anyone who is kind enough to reach out.