Reaching Out

[dilydaly]

Not sure I'm posting this in the right places so appologies if I'm not!
I've never been to the doctor for menal health (and have no plans to) but I think I've reached a point where I'm struggling. I have extreme social anxiety and avoid going out of the house as much as possible. I pop to the supermarket once a week for around 15 minutes first thing in the morning (less chance of seeing anyone I know), when I get back I rush from the car to the house for fear of the neighbours seeing me and wanting to chat. When this happens, we small talk for a couple of minutes and then I shut the door and have a little panic behind the door and try and breathe my way through it. I've gotten gradually worse over the last 12-15 years.
I also have general anxiety. I worry and obsess about most things, but the worst problem I have is intrusive thoughts. They pop in to my mind without any warning and sometimes without any trigger what so ever. They're really crippling, I seem to go through phases where I can go a couple of weeks without them, but this is a rarity. The thougts focus mostly on my children and something bad happening to them. I live in constant fear of something bad happening to the children, or my husband, to the point where I feel like I've held them back in life. I feel like a rubbish parent over it.
I would love some coping techniques and maybe even hear from someone who has been through this kind of thing and come out the other end?
Ideally things I could do at home to help myself because I could never go to the doctors and speak about this, I can't even bear to think about doing that.
I've never spoken to anyone about any of this before, I've let my husband in on a tiny part of what I'm dealing with, although at this point, I don't feel like I'm dealing with it, it's just normality now.
A bit about me, I'm 33 years old, married and a housewife, 2 children under 12. I am quite the little hermit, I think I could never leave my house again and be ok with that, which I'm sure to most people sounds a bit strange! I don't have any friends, as in not one single person, again, most of the time, I'm ok with this as I'm just not a people person.
We live in small town, my husband works full time and I've been a housewife for around 12 years.
Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks :)

I'm no expert but at 33 you should be out and about, living your life and not being afraid or anxious to go out.
I know you don't want to hear this but you need to seek advice and help.
You say you have no friends, do you have a sister or aunt or Mum who you could open up to ?
Can you open up a bit more to your DH and tell him how you're feeling ?
You need support and help.
Please reach out and ask. It's ok to ask for help. There's so much mental health awareness now, please do.
You deserve a better life than this and those intrusive thoughts needs to be dealt with as it sounds as if they are exhausting, stressing and frightening.
Best of luck

Dear @dilydaly I hear you. Please know there is help for this. I'm 34 years old and suffer with anxiety myself and the reason I am on mumsnet right now is to connect because I've had a really tough anxiety day myself. I called in sick to work because I couldn't face anyone and put on a brave face.

There is help out there. I first started to feel anxious about 2 years ago. I wasn't coping with my emotions or my thoughts well. I felt like I wasn't good enough, I got a new job and felt like an imposter who didn't deserve the role, I was emotionally abused in my previous relationship so things took a knock on affect for me. One day I burst into tears at my gym and rang my GP where I was offered a phone consultation with a doctor. Whenthe doctor rang me I explained I had troubled thoughts and wasn't coping with my emotions. I was crying on the phone trying to explain this and he was extremely helpful. He referes me to my local mental health support network where I had an assessment over the phone and they put me forward for having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) sessions that I have found incredibly helpful. It's a talking therapy where you are given "homework" a few tasks to do to ground you and help you function throughout the day. I found this therapy the best for me because you have the tools/methods to help you function throughout the day. They teach you how to unpack all of your thoughts and reorganise them. I really hunk this will help you. Please don't feel alone with this. There is help out there. xx

Good advice from Sarah if you don't feel ready to ask for help would you consider self help CBT? Ive used the Chris Williams 'living life to the full' workbooks before- found them helpful to see not alone in my thoughts!