Feeling lost

[Headsashed4]

I’m starting to feel at a real loss in my life and I don’t know what to do. I’m currently married with 2 children. Been having marital issues for over a year now and I keep telling my husband it’s over and I want to leave him but he’s not listening. House is up for sale and one minute he says he’ll get a mortgage on his own and the next he doesn’t want any of it cos without me and the kids his life may aswell be over. I don’t love him anymore so as much as he wants me to stay and work at it I don’t think it will work at all.
So I’ve been a ball of anxiety for a while with all this going on. Then recently I’ve been moved departments in my job to start from Monday and it’s actually making me feel sick to my stomach with nerves. I want to quit my job, I want to leave everything. I want to walk away from my house and my marriage and I want it all to be over. I feel like I can’t take anymore. I have no friends at all, I’m currently sat in a soft play centre with my kids watching all these groups of mums sat talking and I’m just sat on my own, again, like every time I bring them and it makes me so sad. I feel so lonely it’s unreal. I’m 34 and I feel like I’ve achieved absolutely nothing with my life so far, yes I have two beautiful children who I love immensely, but that’s it. I hate my house, I don’t love my husband, I don’t love my job anymore, I have zero friends. I’m so pathetic. I’m only putting this on here cos I don’t know who else to say it all to. 😢

You’re not pathetic honey, you’re lonely and anxious and struggling with no one to listen.

Life sucks right now, because right now you’re waiting for all this change to come around and it probably feels like it’s taking a life time. Once the house is sold and your ex accepts its over then you’ll feel like you’re starting to live again. But that doesn’t mean in sucks any less in the mean time.

For what it’s worth, I’m always alone too. Not really any friends/family/people I feel close to etc so I completely get it. Start focusing on what would make you happy though and work to get there.

Have you considered the doctors for the anxiety? Long term anxiety really takes its toll and can be much worse to cope with than occasional anxiety, it’s exhausting and maybe the doctor can help a bit.

I hope life picks up for you soon

I have been on medication for anxiety and depression before on 2 different occasions, I’m trying to avoid using them again really if I can. If it comes to it I will though. The anxiety does seem to be pretty constant at the moment. I just feel like I’m trapped in this huge mess and don’t know how to find my way out of it. I work full time, always have but never seem to have any money. Can never afford to treat myself or get my hair done. Everything that’s ever been done to my house has been down to our parents helping us out. I’ve never bought my own car just inherited my parents when they’ve got a new one. I feel like I’m achieving nothing and literally just surviving and not really living. My life feels so pointless.

Sorry this has just turned into a massive winge

You will get through this tough time. I personally think you have achieved quite a lot. Things can only get better after this rough patch. Best of luck

@Headsashed4 hope your Monday wasn’t too bad! Whinges are encouraged, no point keeping it all to yourself and feeling worse.

Completely get how you feel about just surviving, felt that way so frequently myself. Same situation with constantly being skint and never having money to treat myself/do the place up nice etc. I’ve gone back to college to try for a better paying job I’m a bit more passionate about, depending on your existing level of education have you given that a thought? You can get help to cover childcare and travel expenses, a bursary/student loan (depending on what level qualification you’re going to do etc). Would mean another couple years being skint but it’d be well worth it if you managed to get a better paying job etc? It’s not all kids in college either thankfully! My current course has everyone from 16-40 on it, younger ones taught me not to take myself so seriously and the older ones give me a bit of company and some much needed adult convo!

Or have you looked for other roles that your experience fits? Sometimes businesses are willing to pay more for someone already experienced in that area without the whole degree etc? Hope this week is a better one for you

@Headsashed4 I know you’ve not replied, just thought I’d check in and say I hope you’re doing ok though

@BogOffJanuary thank you for your replies and checking up on me, it means a lot!
I’m not feeling much better really. But will take your advice on board and considering studying some sort of course, it will give me something to focus on.