Childhood contributing to MH?

[greenflower279]

Hi all

Have been suffering from anxiety and depression for the past few years and have always thought I'm so weak and just can't handle too much of anything. I.E constantly worrying about crazy things like someone unscrewing my front door during the night and stealing DD 😳 worrying Partner and daughter will crash and die while out in the car. Can't cope with loud noises, get frights very easily, I could go on forever. Just constant stress. (Although have been pretty good past 3 days after big chat with DP. Anyway my point is could all this be connected to my childhood? Maybe not the thoughts, the the mental health problems in general? I'm on anti depressants and have always thought of trying some sort of talking therapy but have never had the guts. The hardest thing for me is talking about my emotions.

A little bit of my back ground

M&F both drug addicts and F abusive mentally and physically to both M and kids.
Extreme poverty - no carpets etc in house, holes in shoes, having to get food from family members.
Other drug addicts round the house a lot
Always coming home to them lying about the floor out of their faces.
Never any money for a utilities etc while all my friends were going.
Brother been in and out of prison since 16
M died from drug toxicity when DD was 6 weeks old
Again, I could go on.

Sorry for the V long post but just wondering if this could all be connected I'm thinking so after writing it all out? Any advice from similar experiences would be great, and advice in talking therapies? Thank you so much

You sound traumatised. So, yes, it does all sound connected. Keeping your emotions secret / shut away was probably necessary and protective when you were growing up, maybe now is the time you can start working through them?

If you went down the therapy route I would suggest someone with expertise in childhood trauma or at least trauma in general.

I don't know if reading is something you would find helpful or feel able to try? The book "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman might help you make sense of what you've been through and how it's affected you, which in turn could help you start to deal with it. (It's also on Audible if it would be easier to listen than read - you could sign up for the free trial of you don't already have it).

Pete Walker also has a website and book on complex PTSD that I often hear people recommend as helpful.

It sounds that they are connected. I have childhood trauma too and I think I need a long therapy to recover. NHS offered 16 sessions that wasn't enough. I think I need to go private.

Thank you both for replies!

I think that's true as I was never allowed to cry without being punished as a child, although I'm a blubbering mess now at the slightest thing🤣 but still can't seem to express emotions.

I used to love reading although it has been a few months - now is the perfect time just started ML so plenty of time! I think I will have a look and order today!

Could this possibly be PTSD? I will also look into this, thank you!

Undead - it's not an easy life, is it! I am lucky enough my employment offers counselling services etc so have just enquired online and waiting on a reply - the first step 😊

I really hope you get the help you need, NHS are so strained at the moment the waiting lists are astonishing, It hurts to think some people don't make it due to the wait!
Here if you need to talk.

Thanks again