Hoping that I get some experiences on this from impartial MNetters?
Feeling very triggered by another helping of triangulation and silent treatment from my mother.
Have got so many problems at the moment and can really feel I am heading for another mental health crisis.
My DH is really concerned and as the mental health services in my area are so squeezed, just dont want to be in that revolving door again.
So a bit of context, but please tell me if I am overreacting etc.
Me and my only younger sister endured years of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my Father.
He would get very drunk and then beat us up/ torture us.
The emotional abuse was worse, we had to act happy all the time and grateful. For example if he said hello and we didnt respond with correct enthusiasm.
Or if he told a joke and we didnt roar with laughter. We would get beaten.
A friend who I bumped into last year reminded me of getting her dads ladder so we could escape the bedroom and run out of the house in our nightdresses to safety.
My mother did nothing. Was either out doing courses to improve herself or ignored it, as my Father claimed we were selfish and miserable. I got taunted called 'Veda' from an old film I think.
At 14 I was sent to a specialist vocational school where I boarded. I think my Mother was worried I would say something to ruin her image. My sister lived with my DGM for a bit until she went off the rails and moved in with a guy of 21 ( she had just turned 15)
My mother to add to this loveliness was ultra critical demanding we were ultra slim, got high scores at everything and acted/ primed for perfection in everything.
To put in context of Stately homes thread- " but you had piano lessons"
As teenagers it got worse, one day my Father beat my sister up so bad the police got called. My Mother watched my 17 year old sister go live in a squat. My DSister cut contact for 12 years.
We have both had eating disorders, I have had numerous mental health crisis episodes, 2 abusive husbands, lost my career etc.
I am now finally happily remarried but am very broken. My life has been very choatic and traumatic. I know if I had had a safer childhood I would have made different choices and lived my potential.
Me ans my sister having no faith in the MH services went down the spiritual/ forgiveness route.
So years of working on our demons/ making allowances and all the time trying to have a normal relationship with parents now in 70's.
We both live near each other but far from parents. They are up visiting my Sister but will not come and see me.
I was at my parents in Dec where my Father started on me being abusive.
My Mother fed up with it when I challenged it is now punishing me by refusing to visit, triangulating me with my Sister.
49 years of this and I feel done, its never going to improve is it? Unless I act and speak to their liking?
Sorry this is so long, it wasnt meant to be, but I am sinking into a very dark place and feel so so broken.
I would love to be normal, but my small existence has been so traumatic and I cant keep bouncing back. I have put up so many boundaries with people over the last year to heal. I feel angry that I may have another 20 or 30 if I am lucky on this planet and need some peace and simplicity so badly.
Is cutting them out the answer?