This is an exhaustive subject but I will try and keep it as concise as possible. About a year ago my mum left our family home to go and live with our grandparents. My grandparents are in their 80’s and have recently been experiencing a multitude of health issues, even involving hospitalisation. Although my mum did not move in with them for this reason, she has now taken it upon herself to become their primary “carer”. However my mum is an emotionally abusive alcoholic (something she repeatedly denies without provocation) and is constantly dictating every aspect of their lives and talks down to them like children, constantly shouting at them and making an already difficult situation worse. I appreciate that the situation there is stressful at the moment and I could understand her needing a break, but when I paid a visit the other day she spent most of the day drinking tins of beer in the bathroom. My gran had recently suffered a stroke and my mum had made no attempt to arrange a doctors appointment for her, so I did it whilst I was there. When the doctor agreed to do a house call, my mum asked me to stay whilst she went to the pub.
My gran also experiences incontinence issues and my mum had let her continue walking around for days in urine soaked trousers following her stroke, and berated her for smelling like urine. My godfather had also just been released from hospital after a heart operation and she told us that he wasn’t allowed back in the house because it would “kill him” and she was going to take him straight from hospital to a b&b. When we said that he should have the option to go home if he wanted to, she flipped out, screaming that whoever dared bring him home was going to have to take care of him and that she was leaving and not coming back. I asked what her plan was for my gran, who really shouldn’t be left on her own right now, had she taken my godfather away, and she just kept screaming that it wasn’t her problem.
I know I have probably painted my mum as a monster, but it’s almost as if she has a split personality at times because she can go from psycho to mumsy in 60 seconds. I know in some way she does love my grandparents, but she always has to be in control of everything and it becomes unbearable and feels like bullying. She puts all this extra responsibility on herself but caves under the pressure without actually doing anything. I live in an entirely different county from them all, and I don’t drive so I can’t always keep an eye on things, but my brother who still lives at home is constantly updating me with these horror stories of her behaviour towards them all.
I don’t agree with how she treats them but even now, as an adult, she’s done such a good job of convincing me I’m wrong about her that I constantly doubt myself, which makes it harder to get help. I also wouldn’t really know where to start, so any advice on what to do/who to speak to for help, would be very much appreciated.