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how do you know when to ask for help? bit of a ramble...

11 replies

SuDaji · 15/02/2020 19:41

This might be long, please bear with me. Basically, I've been in tears since 5pm on Friday at the mere thought of going back to work on Monday. There have been a few times I've been close to going to the doctor over the years with anxiety/stress/feeling down but always talked myself out of it, reasoned it with things like surely depressed people are worse than me, people have real problems, etc etc. I also feel I may be on the autism spectrum. I have a close family member with a confirmed diagnosis and we share a lot of the same difficulties, but not sure whether that makes me autistic or just incredibly socially inept? Also not sure what benefit a diagnosis would make to me at this stage of life.

My new job has tipped me over the edge. Low level bitchiness and fakeness that's taking me back to school and sending my anxiety into overdrive. Lots of whispering and giggling and pretending to be your friend, while talking shit behind your back. I'm mid 30s, not 12. Keeping my head down and getting on with my work isn't working - they ignore their own mistakes and incompetence, but love to point out small mistakes of mine. I am frequently the only one working and I have been told more than once - including by my manager - that I am making everyone else look bad. This is not said as a compliment. Very high staff turn over, and another staff member suffered a breakdown last year. Have been warned by staff from other departments about the bitchiness. Needless to say I am job hunting but this is not fast, and my anxiety frequently ruins interviews for me even though I am a good, reliable worker, and I know this.

Nothing really specific about Friday had upset me but I feel like it's built and built and I cannot cope any more. I wish I could never go back, or go in on Monday to hand in my notice but I have no savings and can't afford to not have a job. Can't raise it with the manager as there have been no real specific incidents aimed at me, it's just a general toxicness, which she fully takes part in.

I am lucky that I work for a local trust and have paid sick leave. At the moment I am trying to work out if I should go in on Monday and see if I can self-refer to Occ Health, or call in sick and go to the doctor for help.

But how do you know when to ask for help? What if I call in sick and can't get a doctor's appointment? What if I go to the doctor and the issues don't sound as bad as I feel they are? What if I've cried all weekend and have no tears left by the time I get in and they don't believe me? I don't know what to do. Just want to hide and never see any of them again. I feel as though I am drowning and can't get a breath.

I'm sorry to ramble, just need to get it all out and hope someone understands?

OP posts:
SuDaji · 16/02/2020 09:42

Surely someone else has felt this way?

OP posts:
ZaZathecat · 16/02/2020 09:51

Sorry I can't give you a very informed response, but that sounds like enough to have most people off sick with stress. Call your doctor's surgery first thing tomorrow, as soon as they open, and ask for an urgent appointment - most surgeries have a duty doctor to see anyone who needs a same day appointment, but you need to call early to get one.

SuDaji · 16/02/2020 10:29

Thank you for replying ZaZa, it means a lot to hear that. I did have a nightmare last night that the doctor rolled her eyes when I told her the issues. Probably because that will be the response behind my back at work.

OP posts:
ZaZathecat · 16/02/2020 11:54

I think you need to tell the doctor not so much about the issues at work, but more about how they are affecting your mental health. E.g. can't stop crying all weekend, feel you can't cope, dread, panic or whatever.

Mumofcats5 · 16/02/2020 12:02

Hello OP I'd agree that you ought to get a GP appointment and talk about how your situation has made you feel all weekend. It sounds as though it's been exhausting and you could probably do with some time away from such a terrible culture to boost your esteem and mental health x

SuDaji · 16/02/2020 14:00

Thank you for replying. Yes, it is exhausting. I think I am going to try and steele myself for one last try tomorrow, rightly or wrongly. I will go to my manager early doors and tell her that I'm finding things very difficult and that way if I end up off sick she can't do her usual I can't help you if you don't raise it thing. I'll have raised it with her and made her aware. I'll also try to get a GP appointment to see if there is anything medication wise that may help with my anxiety as this is something that has been bubbling away for a while. And I'll ramp up the job hunt.

OP posts:
Chicken123 · 18/02/2020 18:46

@SuDaji
Oh my goodness, this is as if I have written this. I am feeling exactly the same, so I know how you must be feeling and what you’re going through.

I feel like I want to go to the doctors, but like you, have all the same questions and talk myself out of it.
I know I could really do with being signed off but I know that when it is time to have to come back, that I won’t want to and will that anxiety of knowing I have to go back make me worse?
I also keep talking myself out of it because I’m scared they may give me meds of some sort and that’s not what I want.
I just feel so lost, and although we are both struggling, it’s comforting knowing there is someone else who feels the same and that I know that I’m not alone.
Something will come along for us, and I know we will be happy. I’m comparison to the rest of our lives, this is just a small glitch.
We’ll be okay x

SuDaji · 18/02/2020 19:23

@Chicken123 I am so sorry to hear that chicken! I went to the doctor on Monday morning and even talking to him took a real weigh off my shoulders. Didn't intend to cry but ended up in tears anyway, but he didn't laugh at me, didn't think I was making it up, took me 100% serious. I didn't want any medications really but he gave me advice and told me my 2 options were something short term like diazepam, which neither of us were keen on, or something longer term, so he gave me a prescription for sertraline. You'll think I'm talking bollocks but I'm sat here and I already feel like a different person. I know it's too soon for the meds to be properly working but they made me sleepy so I got a good night's sleep for the first time in years. Doctor helped me realised I'd been having panic attacks at night, not nightmares like I'd put it down to. I woke up this morning like a new woman almost just from feeling rested. Please go and speak to your GP, I promise you will feel so so much better! Even the bitches at work didn't get me down so much today! Xxx

OP posts:
Photosofplanets · 18/02/2020 20:48

That's a great update OP Smile

I've been struggling at work for a while now, having been on and off Ad's (currently off) I'm planning to go back to GP. My anxiety levels are sky high and I have a perceptual feeling of doom, all my triggers are work related and it feels like there is no relief or escape from them. It's horrible to read that other people are feeling similar, but reassuring at the same time to know that we aren't on our own.

SuDaji · 19/02/2020 21:38

@photosofplanets yes it's horrible isn't it? Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I know what you mean. It can be very isolating so it's good to know you're not the only one going through it. Just reading other people's experiences I found a great help. Thought I was going mad for a bit. I hope you get everything under control soon, but if not just remember life is too short to spend 40 hours a week with a bunch of arseholes! xx

OP posts:
Lifesnotapicnic · 19/02/2020 22:50

I totally could of wrote this post 😪

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