How do you live with knowing your whole life is f****d up?

[Rewy]

Mental health probs my whole life.
Health probs.
No friends well I have one.
No career.
Low paid job.
No achievements.
No hobbies .
A relationship I’m rapidly screwing up.
How do I live with this ?????
I’ve tried to change. Therapy. CBT.
I’m just stuck.
Just walked the dog. The only thing I could do was hope I got run over or walk into the road.

May I ask what the subject of your proposed OU course was?

I hadn’t definitely decided on a specific topic. I didn’t get that far because I was naive about the costs. I am interested in Health, Social care, Psychology, Mental health , Biology .

Are you on any medication? Sounds like you are very depressed and that can help get you far enough out of the fog to start benefitting properly from therapy and CBT

Just one minute at a time.

I have a lot of the same problems as you op and have struggled with depression all my life, but this year has felt different so far because i made a decision at the start of the year to change my life, one decision and one day at a time. There's a great Tedtalk on this with three memorable points which i now have on my fridge:

have a specific picture of your dreams.

Decline to stay discouraged.

Take opportunities for growth out of your comfort zone.

I also have "What have you done today to make you feel proud?" as that makes me think of Miranda.

Obviously none of this is a substitute for good therapy and medication where needed, but afaik changing my life is a choice and not bothering is also a choice. You only get one existence, how do you choose to spend it?

My advice would always be just to start something. If you want to learn to sew, get a kit aimed at children and progress from there. Want to do a course? If you are feeling unconfident start with a basics course (like level 1) and work your way up from there. I'm quite academically minded in a lot of ways, so have always been pushed to take higher level courses, but it's always very high stress for me. Now I am purposefully starting on things where I am learning but not pushing myself too hard, because I get the same sense of accomplishment without the huge burden to my mental health.

Also highly recommend Brene Browne's show Call to Courage on Netflix, especially if you like evidence and stats to back up inspirational messages.

Health, Social care, Psychology, Mental health, Biology.

Okay ... I’m guessing you have at some point had interests outside the mental and physical workings of human beings?

Do you ever go to galleries or museums? Theatre, concerts, dance? Do you have any interest in gardening, tree planting, more general environmental concerns? I’m guessing you like walking to some extent? Are you in a rural or urban area? Are you keen on architecture? If I gave you a thousand pounds to spend today, on yourself (not bills, food, debts or gifts) what would you spend it on??

To be plain - it can sometimes be hard, in the depths of long term despair, particularly where issue solving involves other people, to look outside the subject of ‘mental health’ and see the world outside.

Everyone needs something joyful to focus on, outside their own head.

Thankyou for the replies.

I’m not on medication as it doesn’t work for my condition.

If I had a thousand pound to spend on myself then I would either buy another dog, travel ( I never have) or spend it on clothes. I love clothes. Or on a course of some sort.

I used to run but then got injured so I can’t run now.
I like walking with the dog but at the moment it’s restricted with the awful weather we’ve had the last few months. When it’s fairer I like to walk in the forest.
I used to love reading but I just can’t seem to get back into it.
I’ve always wanted to learn to play piano but it would be difficult expensive and I don’t have a piano.
I love dogs and animals.
I would like to get back into exercise again but I have a few health issues at the moment.

RuffleCrow - I also made the same decision to change my life at the beginning of the year. It’s just not going well.

If you like animals, look into volunteering at a rescue centre or something like walking dogs for those who can't walk their own (Cinnamon Trust), fostering rescue dogs, training a guide dog, taking animals to hospitals or care homes. It can become sort of like a hobby too, depending on what you take on, & it will give you a sense of achievement as it is doing something worthwhile.

There are other volunteering things you can do which help in the community in some way, eg library volunteer, wildlife/nature stuff, less active stuff like admin for charities & also things you can do on your computer if getting out & about is a problem. But I think something with an element of socialising would be better to improve how you feel.

Here’s a short course that might interest you. And you can browse other options from the same source.

You say you can’t retrain without qualifications. Not sure exactly what that means. (Particularly as a poster once began a thread very like yours, and had people responding with guidance on GCSE level study - only for the OP to reveal after a couple of hundred posts that she was educated to postgraduate level ...)

But I want to hear more about your wardrobe. (Real or fantasy ...) Influences, sources, heritage, real life restrictions ... Do you post on the Style & Beauty threads here?

Oh OP hun, don't be so down on yourself, you are on here which means you can work around chat rooms, you have a thing for dogs, age is just a number. Get out there hun look at maybe become a dog trainer or assistant or look at taking part in some rambling/walking group to help meet up with some new people. Write a list at what you enjoy watching or reading and see if you can link that to something social or further learning. You mean/or will mean something to someone in this world. Look for the silver linings

Free online course on human and animal behaviour. Hundreds more on every possible subject.

Thanks some great links to look into there .

SurpriseSparDay - I don’t have many qualifications , couple of GCSEs ( no paperwork for these) , NVQ 2.
In terms of my wardrobe I buy things I like when I can afford them ( not often) just high street stuff really. I enjoy looking at clothes online and have a Pinterest board of styles I like. I’m not a confident dresser though. I do skim through the Style and Beauty boards from time to time but I don’t post.